Friday, August 31, 2007

Don't want to bother about the world. Don't care about anything. My exams are over and i deserve to have a break. Too bored to play maple so decided to sing. Wanna get better so i'm gonna sing more this holiday. Oh man... I really like Lin Jun Jie's voice.... Man... Wanna train like that.. Get the feel... Set a goal by end of next month must be able to sing something like that... Oh well... One of the songs that i find nice.


JJ Lin 林俊杰 - Jiang Nan 江南



风到这里就是粘
Feng Dao Zhe Li Jiu Shi Lian
粘住过客的思念
Lian Zhu Guo Ke De Shi Nian
雨到了这里缠成线
Yu Dao Zhe Li Jiu Chan Cheng Xian
缠着我们流连人世间
Chan Zai Wo Men Liu Lian Ren Shi Jian
你在身边就是缘
Ni Zai Shen Bian Jiu Shi Yuan
缘份写在三生石上面
Yuan Fen Xie Zai San Sheng Shi Shan Mian
爱有万分之一甜
Ai You Wan Fen Zhi Yi Tian
宁愿我就葬在这一天
Ning Yuan Wo Jiu Zang Zai Zhe Yi Tian

圈圈圆圆圈圈
Quan Quan Yuan Yuan Quan Quan
天天年年天天的我
Tian Tian Nian Nian Tian Tian De Wo
深深看你的脸
Shen Shen Kan Ni De Lian
想起的温柔
Xiang Qi De Wen Rou
满脸的温柔的脸
Man Lian De Wen Rou De Lian
不懂爱恨情愁颠倒的我们
Bu Dong Ai Hen Qing Chou Dian Dao De Wo Men
都以为相爱就像风云的善变
Dou Yi Wei Xiang Ai Jiu Xiang Feng Yun De Shan Bian
相信爱一天抵过永远
Xiang Xin Ai Yi Tian Di guo Yong Yuan
在这一刹那冻结了时间
Zai Zhe Yi Sha Na Dong Jie Le Shi Jian
不懂怎么表现温柔的我们
Bu Dong Zhe Me Biao Xian Wen Rou De Wo Men
还以为殉情只是古老的传言
Hai Yi Wei Xun Qing Zhi Shi Gu Lao De Chuan Yan
你走得有多痛痛有多浓
Ni Zou De You Duo Tong Tong You Duo Nong
当梦被埋在江南烟雨中
Dang Meng Bei Mai Zai Jiang Nan Yan Yu Zhong
心碎了才懂
Xin Sui Le Cai Dong

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
12:22 am

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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Would love really make me feel close to God ? Would it help me to understand how God feels about me ? Maybe that is true, if you get hurt in a relationship i might just be like sin. It cuts to the heart. Maybe that how God feels. Cut to the heart, yet with love you are willing to forgive the person no matter how bad the person is as long as the person is willing to repent and turn back. Maybe that's how first love feels like.

I guess it's no point fredding over such stupid matters. It's either date or don't date even exams are not so stressful. Well maybe because in love there is no textbook to study. And lots of mock exams and suddenly ambush to catch you unaware. If i keep think of it i'll fail my next exams man... Cannot i can't do such things. I cannot fail and more importantly. I will not stay back for another 6 months. Never in my life will i stay back...Hell No... Whatever the case.. Cool down and breath... Start studying your exams and dun think of anything else if not tomorrow you won't be able to think of the answers but flowers and love and all. Seriously i can spend my entire 1 1/2 months thinking of that after the exams. So i better get back to studying now. Oh well... i think i'm turning into a women already... Man this is sickening.... I hate to be in this situation now. Oh well. All the best to my exams tomorrow. Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
12:45 am

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Monday, August 27, 2007

Lol, looking back on my life i find it totally stupid. What girlfriend. LOL. My whole concept of girlfriend was different from the actual thing. LOL. To think i was asked to be someone's boyfriend. In the end got fooled and played with. Sick la... Somehow find that stupid. Cheated like all my life not knowing the truth man. If a guy and a girl goes out together they are a couple. Ok did that, yes been called a couple. If they hold hand they will get AIDs. Remember that stupid line since young so never holded hands. If you kiss the girl will get pregnant... If you drink the same drink you'll spread the illness and die... So just walk together and don't do anything funny.

Guess that's why never do close things and never cared about those stuff. It's like having another friend to go out with. Never cared about what to do. Seriously now start dating like a wrong time but want to gain new experience... Maybe that way i know how God love me or how to love God like a women meeting her lover. How well.... If wanted to date can do that during first year already lor. Dunno why i keep waiting. Maybe for a sign or something. Maybe there will be a sign board saying She is the one. Than a girl is there for me. LOL. Or maybe a girl falls from the sky and that is the one for me. Hahahaha. Too much tv shows for me. Oh well. Forget if i really fall in love than so be it. Else i can always keep waiting....

It's not any time soon before i start thinking of getting married. So i can take my time... Enjoy my freedom while i still have it. When got girlfriend she will allow you to stay at home slack and watch anime the whole day arr.... Wait long long la... Go pray see God give me a good girl or not. More important she won't effect my faith to God. If that one cannot accomplish sure my life will be a living hell... Sure fight like mad over going to church. Haiz... Oh well. Dun think so much, let the river flow. Staying in one place is not too good as well. Ok gotta go study. Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
11:05 pm

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Sunday, August 26, 2007

Love that i had was not pure love. Thus i did not understand what true love is. I feel so small, like i have never grown. It's like i've never thrown away childish things. Without love i am nothing, yes i do feel like i'm nothing now. Without love i have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. What i do is just making noise. What is love ?

Love suffers long and is kind,
Love does not envy,
Love does not parade itself,
Is not puffed up;
Does not behave rudely,
Does not seek it's own,
Is not provoked,
Thinks no evil;
Does not rejoice in iniquity,
But rejoices in the truth;
Bears all things,
Believes all things,
Hopes all things,
Endures all things.
Love never fails.
(1 corinthians 13:4-8)

Thus i have lots to improve on. I am still nothing but a small speck in the eyes of God. I must grow big. So God can see me... I want to grow bigger. Eat more spiritual food. I wonder why but every time i have a certain problem there will sure be a sermon to help me with my problems the coming saturday. Why i say God is there maybe that apply to me only. But i don't find it what people call chance. Since it happended many times already. Anyway i need to think about it more. Guess it's time to clear up the mess now.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
12:15 am

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Friday, August 24, 2007

Ever wondered where is the True Church ? Well i was sure that where i am is the True Church.... But now i wonder... Yes i'm sure God is with that church but the people... Are they ? Do you think they are willing to seek God and change for God ? Maybe it's our curse ? We have to live our lives in sin thus when we feel perfection when we come in contact with God. I thought i had nothing to complain after i got the HS. Unfortunately i was wrong. When i found that contact of perfection it makes me want to sin even more. Want to lie more, want to bluff more, want to add more mask to myself and cover it after i have peeled them away. Everytime i pray i feel strength. To make sure i do not put the clay on my face. To make sure every word is kind and good to please God. To make people notice that God is with me, share the joy.

Humans... I hate them... Every single one of them... They lie, they cheat and they steal... Evil people... I try to control my anger by being happy, to laught to joke and to make others laught. It was getting dull so people stop laughting all together. People drift further apart due to hate... HATE... I got pissed of because of your stupid attitude blah blah blah.... I hate this world and every man on earth. Why were we created in the likeness of God when He loved us so much and we have the hearts of demons. I hate myself... I hate everything. I know this is not christain like but i cannot take it anymore. So what if you are pissed about me. Am i not pissed about you as well ? Fuck this world. The hell to it. Right you bug me when i'm doing project nevermind... nudge me when teacher walking past i almost got into trouble nevermind... I must reply you and give you a quick answer. So what if you have a bloody 7 projects, i take it as you busy so faster get an answer fast leave you alone and you show me this fuck up attitude plus you get pissed off with me.

I try my best to talk and interact pull people together. Share our woes and all but what i accomplish is nothing, i don't really mind. Soon you will take notice but no... I have my own fucking life. I dun give a damn about you.... I'm sick of you and pissed with you don't talk to me before i puke. Damn bitches... I'm sick of such stupid excuse.... I never want to take part in your activities already. I love God is one thing but i'm sure i cannot love man like you... I'm pissed off already... That's my limit and i have blown up. Shit this place. Maybe going overseas isn't a bad idea at least it lets me get away from this freaks from hell. I'll go to adam, at least i don't feel love at all... Love God love man.. Bullshit... That's the correct teaching and nobody follows it that's why so many people who are weak falls. Being so faithful is not for man but for God. Not doing my best for him is a dishonor, not being good at studies is not shining as well. Humans are no different than the devils, they have feelings which is given by God and yet they refuse to acknowledge it. I know i'll be punished for saying all this stuff which is not what God wants to hear.

But i'm fucking pissed off with the people, no to put it right it would be "friends". People i have known for a long time. Who i find as good people since they have the HS. I admire them when i did not have it, i desire for it while they have it. They spoke words that came from God's inspiration through the HS. I was so stupid, i didn't know a thing... In fact i wonder why brother Nick praised me so much... I never spoken a single word of God's knowledge i was never with God instead He was the one holding on to me not the other way around which i always say in my prayers. I am unworthy of this love, yet i got it and i am thankful for it. But it is not from the bottom of my heart. As long as i have this bloody skin and flesh on me i am sinful and i will continue to sin. If God left me for a day i would be sinking to the bottom of the dark pits again.

Why do i entertain this people and say sorry to them ? To ask help to settle the problem. Someone told me "Next time dun ask N** to help you anymore. I won't forgive you anymore." In the first place if i wasn't your friend would i give a damn to seek your bloody forgiveness. In the first place i don't even thing i had much fault in it. To say i have no fault is a lie but we must admit we both of bloody freaking faults and you dun bitch with me and say like you are god and need to worship you and seek your forgiveness. Freaking human who are you to have such a bloody right to do that. Even when i feel that i wasn't in the wrong i would still apologist because SK gave me such a relisation which i find good. Indeed good people live a live worst than death in this world. Why do my friends disappoint me time and again... I never want to share anything with them again. Talking to them is like talking to a knife it would cut me open. Even Nah feels that i'm irritating. Haiz... I need to reflect on myself and pray more.... I hate my life... So what if i'm living with a roof over my head... Do i feel happy ? So what if those kids are poor in the streets. Even when they do not have a soccer ball and manages to find anything that looks like a ball and kick it, they feel happy. I wish i was back in my younger days where i won't see the evilness that i see now. I was never sad... The sadness i felt than can never be compared with the sadness i feel now. What more to say in the future. Somehow leaving church is not an option so i guess i have to jump to somewhere else. To think i'll miss sembawang. Right the role play, "Make them come to church and not listen. Instead make them return straight after that to do worldly stuff." I'm sick of it all.... MSN no one speaks to one another... If they are free they would bug their classmates instead, never their churchmates. I try to make a chat but again it end up in slience. I never ever want to talk to another female church friend from sembawang again. And from now on if there is nothing to do with church i won't interact with even the guys. To think i've learnt to open up to people again after that scar. Just when i had hope it just comes stumbling down on me again. Cut after cut i just keep feeling the pain. Now i know why women who gets cheated feels so much pain and they keep crying. Pain... Yeah everyone fills that. Selfishness...

To thinking skins can grow so thick, during birthdays calling people to buy gifts but when other's birthday arrives it remains slient. Not a gift is given. Selfish humans... Every bad trait comes out of humans. Even me... Good traits are easily forgotten never bad... To blame someone first blame yourself. To judge others first judge yourself. I've exposed mine and others together... Will we all perish in hell ? If we have such devil like images within us would it not make us that much of a devil in heaven ? We fear God but we still dislike being with one another. Seriously where is the LOVE ? Where is the freaking love ? Nevermind i won't type about this anymore it a freaking waste of time. Nobody listens and reads. They are too busy to stop and even look up into the sky to see how beautiful it is. How lucky is it to live one day because God allowed us to do so.

We wept and realise we are wrong when someone dies and that would be too late. After some time it will be back to square one. God died before many believed in him. Was it not ? Only when people die do others search their hearts. Why not remember God's death on the cross every day ? Is that not a pain to you ? Until i can calm down and not care about this matter i will stay with fury. Have a taste of your own wrath before you think about making others feel that way.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
11:13 pm

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I know i'm suppose to continue the second part of the wedding ring but i just have something else to say. My dad was getting into trouble due to me and i am the cause of it. I feel very remorse for such an incident to happen thus i will never ride his car to school again. Unless i am the one driving to school for the time being. I feel bad for the fine so i guess i'll try to find a way to add the money into his wallet slowly and secretly so that he won't know. Maybe i'll force my mom to make a secret with me not to tell my dad and put the money into his bank account.

Anyway enough of the sad stuff... I'll settle it soon. So much for my holiday trip. Now no money cannot go overseas with JLee. Sian.... Anyway who care, i rather work...(trying to make myself feel better but it's not working)... I need some funds to survive this holiday and the following school days, so i can buy some games that i wanted to play. I need to buy some RAM in order to play some vista games man... It's so cool... High graphics and animation. Fit for me to play... Real life combat. Nice...

The main topic is to my fellow church members and friends. If you don't have the HS, prayer harder and harder that is the goal you are aiming for. The ultimate goal for you at the time being. How about those who just recieved the HS or have been having the HS for a long time ? Have we made use of his blessings properly ? Have we shared the blessings with others ? Have we tried to pray with those who don't have it or pray for them knowing that they are your friends ? Do you care about them and help them in their daily life or do you just care about yourself ? Somehow i think i care too much about myself, so much that i'm blinded, immune to the pains of others. If my dad is wacking the bugs (too many don't want to name them all) i might not help him, instead i might just go into the living room and eat dinner while watching TV. God is within us. Thus we must shine his image. We should be shining like God as well to be as close to what he is like, even thought that is mission impossible. I was thinking do our actions not count as a mirror image of God ? How about prayer ? I have always been wondering. Every time i pray, is all about God give me this and that from the world. I want good grades, i want to do well in my studies and sports. But do we pray for our spiritual faith ? I was lost these few days. I've got the HS but what do i do now ? Filling for the HS.... What does that mean ?

I just got inspired... Didn't i sing this before ? Isn't that the clue to my prayers. Thus i should pray like this in the future. "Fill me Holy Spirit, Teach me how to pray. Change me by your power. Guide me day by day. Fill me Holy Spirit, keep me by your grace. Use me for your glory. Let me sing your praise. Bless me with your mercy, touch me with your love. Make me more like Jesus. Fill me Heavenly Dove."

Now i have something to pray about. I have a guide line as to what i should pray. And i know it's hard to be like Jesus but to be more and more like Jesus i know it is possible if God wills. To be changed by his powers to be a better me. To guide my path every single day. To be filled by His Spirit, to be close to him, to seek him. To be kept by his grace, the one thing i have just recieved confirms that i have been approved by him. May he use me to shine his glory, to shine forth his image using us so that others may see him in us and seek him. To sing songs of praise to him everyday. Bless me with your mercy, to forgive my every wrong doings which i do everyday without fail. Man if only i can do good everyday without fail. Fill me Heavenly Dove(HS). This sort of give me a clear idea on how the filling of the HS can be done. Thus i wish to do more work and pray harder to change. If i really change i do not want any mask any more. I want to be me myself in the likeness of God and not a face of an angle on the outside and a devil filled with evilness within me. If i change i want it to be from within, just as David prayed "To search me so that i may be blameless before thee". Ok no inspiration already. Gotta sleep nitez. Oh yeah i think we need more rebuking to wake up during sermons instead of saying kind things. That way we will improve and not be staying still at this spot. God bless.

Shannon

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
12:33 am

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

The wedding ring
Part 1
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Once upon a time, there was this girl. She was childish and fearless. She had no friends, was shy and did not like to talk to people for there was this fear. A fear she did not know of. She was taught about this person and how this person is part of her life. How he saved her life but giving up his own. Being young she didn't care. She wanted pleasure to be able to be carefree with her newly found friends. Friends that she never care or love but just for fun and play.

This girl grew up with the love of that man who saved her and with his words but never did she remember it in her heart. She remembered his words for she wanted to be as good as this other girl who she found to be better than her. She wanted to out beat this girl who was older than her but with more famous and popular than her. She wanted to be that girl. Every 3 year there will be a change of class to a higher level. When the older girl advanced, the girl would display her knowledge and answer all the questions posted but the teachers.

Her parents taught about this man's love and how important for her to be with him. She called out for him with tears but never understanding what she was crying out for ? It was just a request from her parents since she loved them as much as they love her. This girl grew up, she was loved but mortals and had good grades in school. She managed to win the hearts of most teachers in class. To always talk about her in class. Never once had she found real happiness. Praises from people was all she wanted. What she thought was happiness is a total fake, a lie. Her friends from outside casted her away for some petty arguements. Friends she had known and talked with had fun with all her life when she was young. Betrayed her and backstabbed her putting words in her mouth and insulting her with words. Making the class change their attitude against her, hating her for something she was not. A lie which cause anger within her. She hated them. The 4 of them. 4 the number meaning death, something she wished that to befall upon them.

She cry out to the man who saved her life. Help me, if you are there. Guide me so i can be happy again. There was no reply or so she thought. The man was standing afar watching her. He was crying, tears in his eyes. He felt every single pain in her heart. He wanted to cure that pain with his love but she did not accept him in her heart. It was words that some than came out from the bottom of her heart and many of rage. As she laid on her bed, tears rolled down her cheeks. Her best friend, one which she trusted accused her of something she never did. Got angry because of a comment of not being able to accept her best friend beating her in her best subject, making her life into a state of total chaos. Why must such a thing happen to her she thought to herself. Wasn't she the one that help her best friend when she was down ? Wasn't she the one who introduced her best friend to her other close friends she knew ? Wasn't what her best friend became due to her ? Why had she shown her evil sight after 10 year of her life ? The girl wanted to end her life. She apologist to the man who save her life before opening her window in her room. She was about to end her life when the man who saved her life whispered into the wind, "I love you with all my heart, I will be with you always. Live on as i will bear your burden and lift them away from you." The wind blew and carried the message into the ears of the girl, touched she closed the windows and went back to her bed crying her heart out.

She finally knew who was her true friends and she loved them from that day forth. Ones who stood by her in stick or thin. Never would they abandon her. She knew what happiness was now and was happy. Somehow she felt a void in her heart. As if something was calling her, something wanted her. Was it love ? The girl knew about man, she loved many but realise she was a fool to love them. Those man did not love her, they made life worth for her. They were playing with her, she was so obessed with them that she gave her all for them. In the end they just turned their heads and said "Do i know you ?" before walking away. She was heart brokened. One day she got a love letter and on the letter it wrote a name. She was speechless, it wrote on the letter the name of the man who saved her life. I have not know him totally but why does he come to me ? He save my life for turning into death many times and i disappointed him by not listening to his words. Why does he write to me ? Opening the letter it wrote .........

Sorry for the dots. Hahahaha. Stay tune for the next part of The wedding ring. I too sleepy need to sleep. This was inspired by chatting with my cousin and of course need to thank God for the idea. Nitezz...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
2:45 am

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Friday, August 17, 2007

Lol. Ok i admit man is more childish than women and take a longer time before they start acting like adults. Driving along yesterday i was busy chatting with my instructor, lol for the first time i chatted more than i drove. I call him sniper although i remembered his name this morning i kinda forgotten while driving just now. When he started talking like do you smoke. Ohh too bad.. Why never smoke. Knowing that he was just joking, i just laught it off. Next wow you study in TP got alot of malay girls nice.... So got girlfriend or not.... I couldn't answer those question except... I guess so... But also got chinese girls la.(Of course, stupid answer) and no i currently do not have a girl friend. He continued so what course do you work in ? Info-comm... He was like hahaha good so you know all the GREAT sites don't you. I was like GREAT in what sense ? He was like you know those kind, so which is your favourate ? Lol, in my head was like what the hell is wrong with you. So i just kept quiet. He than say don't tell me you so good boy ? I was like well... I wouldn't call myself good but i ain't bad either. This conversation was getting childish. So i ask him, was it fun being a driving instructor ? He was like yeah i get to drive this car to TP and see pretty malay girls. They are good to be girlfriends but not wife cause cannot eat pork and must cut birdy skin.... Oh well... So i decided more better topics which won't stray off to leading back to girls or anything. Game... I never knew how much that would make him excited about. Dota.... Classic...

Told him some information about the game, how some char is weak against what type. What moves he should do and how to counter those i know how to counter. At least i wasn't thinking about hey what if i bang into this and that. And i enjoyed the lesson. It was gone in a flash. And i even got to drive home. Cool. K.. Gotta run for church. Tell you today's story tomorrow. Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
6:58 pm

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

In the bible when do people start to sin ? Was it in times of peace ? Was it in times of victory ? In times of peace where people do not think of God ? Now why do was sin ? Isn't it because of peace as well ? Isn't it because of victory ? In the past God commanded to destroy the enemy and not take anything from them. If they went against God, a defeat is sure to be expected. If they do stupid stuff and disobey God rushing for a swift place into battle but disobeying God, they were punished.

Disobeying God after having peace and making merry resulted into the corruption of mind which as well made people turn to things such as gays. Resulting in the city being destroyed !!! Yet there are churches that accept gays why is that ? The road to death is wide and the pathway to heaven is narrow that's why. Why is there such a thing a gays ? And why do people who are not gays having such disgusting habits which make them seem like one. Sick, i'm sick of such people. Do they just want to get attention or are they doing it just because they are deprive of certain things. I will never enter an army camp with people like those. Never... The most i sign on and increase my years there to have a transfer.

When there is peace there is sin, when one is too free with nothing to do one will sin. Imagin being busy, you work all day without any space for freedom. Going for a holiday you were just lying on the beach for days being relax and one day you meet a beautiful girl or guy, which attracts you. The person is interested in you for pervers things so she makes an effort to play with you like a toy. You fall in love and gave in do not think this is unbelieveable anything on earth can happen. As a teacher said you are who you are when the curtains are closed. Our mind must be kept pure whenever we are doing something. When it starts to want to sin, well what i do is sleep. Don't think about it and sleep. That way your free time disappears. Wake up more refresh and apologist to God for thinking of such stupid things. wonder why i wanted to bold the letters ? I want it to serve as a remind to myself thus i wrote today's blog. I want to look back and see how foolish or how much i have grown after all my post and as the years go by.

In my prayers everytime when it comes to the lost sheep or the not so faithful. Not saying i'm faithful myself, you never know when i might be weak as well and be like them. IF that ever happens i want somebody to stretch a hand out to me, tell me "Let me accompany you to church. I shall be your friend to walk into church with you. There is nothing to fear, God is forgiving. He knows we can be weak at times but we must always turn back to him." So now i want to stretch out my hands and do that as much as i can. I never knew the down side of church maybe it's because i was too much in the happiness department to see the ugly side. People leaving... Going for a afternoon session being with some people singing hymns there were sounds but they were soft, i could hear my voice for once loud and clear(for once), i'm ashame to say that even the sound unit was louder than the voices put together in the room. Praying i saw people leaving and coming back just when the prayer ended, as if they were camping outside until prayer ended. Children were not in class sticked like glue to the parents and thus creating a scene running a around a playing. Parents pamper their children not scolding them instead went along with them. Disappointing ? Was such an ugly sight ever seen before ? I felt so scared for once, it's like fighting the battle alone but why must i care even if i'm alone with God beside me i will bring victory but still such a sight will never leave my mind. Yes the people is disappointing but is God disappointing ? No he is not, as long as one day God is with the church i shall be with the church. As long as God lives in me, i will live for him. As long as there is one breath in me, i want to always work with the Lord and under him. I want to change and make people see the light of God glowing within me.

And that includes my sister. I cannot stand her. I think today i'll start with plan 1. Good habits rules your life plan. Females, cannot stand them too much fashion guides and books on it. Make them so glued to the world like that.... Haiz... Luckly heaven isn't a shopping item to be bought everyday. They(females) will be deem as the most faithful when things like that happens. Ok i'm gonna try and stop being subjective to females already. Die i think i'm turning into somebody i know. Cannot i'm another person myself i should not act like him. I jokes about it but i take it seriously. Most of my friends are girls man. I cannot keep insulting the female race. Actually talking to Nah i learnt alot about why God created females i saw it in a light that i never ever seen before. Smart. I'm the one that is stupid and not being able to catch up. Light of God is shining out of everyone and mine is never bright enough. I must catch up, i must shine brighter. I'm not showing his glory within me. I must stick to the decision i have made and never faulter ever for this will make me who i am and what i will become. I better make a set of Goals for myself and for God. Post it as my wallpaper so i'll see it every time i log into my pc.

Oh well, once lost sister plan excuted already than goes to lost sheep plan A. After the holidays i'll excute this plan. I want to increase my faith by having people increase in their faith with me. Thus i must never fall. If i fall, not only will i not continue with the plan. I might be one of those lost sheeps. Prayer and be alert at all times. Don't give chance for free time where the devils can crush you due to the temptations of the world. Lol. Anyway today didn't do much in school except go school early just to do project. Hardly a thing to metion. Tomorrow i need to do some last min touches before we might be able to present or else i'll have to postpone and line up with the others to queue up on friday to present. Damn. It's going to be a busy day. May God keep you alert and faithful, every part of your days and all your hours.
Nitez everyone.
Shannon

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
10:00 pm

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Sunday, August 12, 2007

Borned a new man. Ok. I never thought this day will ever come. Worthy of getting it never once i had thought of that a year after theolo. Instead i wanted to do my best in service to God only after my parents forced me to do so. Well i said force cause i was under orders. I wanted to give up. I wanted to end this. I felt tired at times. Sick of people's attitude and their rubbish. My parents force on me was like a slap from God, "You wanted to serve me, isn't this your chance ? Why not take it now since it's open to you ?". There were time i wanted to give up and my parents somehow can see it. And yes another slap on the face, "Serve me and never give up no matter how hard life goes. Moses served me and went through more hardships, people morn and scorn. They mock my powers even after all the things i have shown them. Never give up do as i have commanded you. My son."



"Thus says the LORD of hosts:
'If you will walk in My ways,
And if you keep my command,
Then you shall judge My house,
And likewise have charge of My courts,
I will give you a places to walk
Among these who standing here.

(Zechariah 3:7)




Slaps are needed, being good to another is one thing. Being faithful and obey God's words is another. If my sis reads this i hope she knows what to do. Prayer is important. Works for God is also important. Where is the zeal you once have ? When you scolded me for running from my duty, where is that passion ? Do not fall away because of man, for their comments are useless. They are just messages for you to see and accept if you think they are right and ignore if it's wrong. kids if you are reading this. I think your comment is good as my sis does treat me good but consider the facts of what is duty for God and man is two different stuff. If you love man do you mean you love God ? If you love God on the other hand you will love man. For God has commanded us to love our enemies. If you know my sis you should help her out instead of making her change for the worst. If she isn't helped now will she be able to change when she enters working life ? Which is more harder ? I think i know who you are but i'll just not think of it. If that comment is for the sake of an arguement please stop it, thanks. Instead i beseach you to pray for my sis if possible. I on the other hand will do something to change this. Oh yeah if you wish to continue to write on my blog at least write your name, to whom am i addressing to. Thank you.



"You are the salt of the earth;
but if the salt loses its flavor,
how shall it be seasoned?
It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled under-foot by men.
(Matt 5:13)



I have never expect that i would recieve the Holy Spirit but now that i have confirmed that i have, you'll have to kill me to let it leave. Fear is sure to be present at the face of death but i know at least God is with me to the very end. I want to thank Bro N for talking with me and telling me this. For i was thinking i was the one rolling instead of the spirit. He asked me things that i've experience and since i have experience 2 out of 3 or 4 but i can only remember 3 points. Unfortunately i seem to not know the meaning of feeling joy in my heart, maybe i've felt it before but have never understood it. Yesterday after the talk i was more conviced of having it. I wanted to pray the moment prayer was on but it was so short. Why ? I wanted a longer prayer. I wanted to enjoy my time with God. I've waited for 20 years ermm... Maybe 19 ++ years... well add those part where i never bothered about God, being a kid, doing what i liked, throwing my weight around and getting scolded for it. Playing in theolo, having fun. Praying like mad, without understanding what it is. Just know that it's fire and wind. You fill like burning. I never experience that at all. Instead it was just warmth but i thought it was my jacket trapping the heat, the bright lights was someone playing with the lighting system(thinking back i find myself super dumb to make up such theories). No wonder the preacher was like "Are you sure you have the Holy Spirit for the first time ?" during the 80th. LOL. I'm still as dumb as ever lol. Well it's not something to be happy about. But somehow i think being simple is the key to getting the Holy Spirit.


Fear not, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you;
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
(Isaiah 41:10)



Just think that everything is for God. Do the things you do for God. Never disappoint God, never give up. Oh yeah when you are praying, as Bro BW says just shout it out, don't care about others. Cannot be ashame that you don't have the Holy Spirit. Imagin God i far away if you pray louder the voices can be heard. Prayers from the heart is better, like say how you fill in your heart ask him to carry your burden away for one brief moment so you can enjoy you time praying with him. Prayers can be repenting your sins, imagin each time you tell a lie Jesus is at the cross and you are the guard that pierce his side (John 19:34). Do you see water and blood flowing down his body ? Or you do turn away and continue piercing ? Your cloths are always dirty with sins, God always washes them for you. Since you cannot wash your cloths can you give God a break and not dirty your robes ? Prayer from the heart is what God wants, althought he knows what you are going to say. Like you know your wife or husband loves you throught actions but you just want to hear the word "I love you". Those prayers will be like clean burnt offerings in the past and God will smell the soothing aroma and be pleased with it (Genesis 8:20-21).

If you have admitted that you are a sinner that is good. If you say you are sinning would you make the next great decision of saying i want to change ? If you say it would you want to go back on your word ? If you go back on your word it is better not saying it as such words will only cause fury. Think of the Lord would you like to make him angry after you have when against him ? That would be pouring fuel to the fire. Thus once we set foot on something never give up on doing it. If you think you have sin maybe you will feel better by doing church work. Sweeping, washing, cleaning anything as long as it will make you feel better but have one thing in mind. You are not cleaning a house you are cleaning God's church. Be sincere in what you are doing. You are doing it for God not man. In the end you have to report to God not man. Thus do not concern yourself about rumours and do not spread them. Listen but instead of adding bad points add good points as well so he would not look that bad. You might have lessen the injury without knowing it. Rumours are something without facts, do not judge a person base on rumours but it rumours might be true so stay alert and find out the true person before saying anything.

Lastly i want to ask God to always let me remember this feeling of getting the Holy Spirit and never let me forget the grace you have shown me. I am still a sinner and not worth of it but yet i have it. It is my honour to accept it, since you gave me it to me i have no intention of giving it back to you. Thus i beg of you to keep me alert at all times. Be sober from this world. Never let me fall away from you.


Taken from some other christian website :
some christian website

Being a Christian takes work, but it is GOOD work.

Each day we should ask God's to help us live Godly lives.

We should remember that just as God has forgiven us our sins we should forgive others.
Matt. 5:12

As Moses prayed for Israel and as Jesus prayed for his followers
(Joh 17:9)

we should pray for others.
Col. 3:13

We should study God's word so that we can humbly help those who ask us about our believes.
(I Pet. 3:15)

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
1:15 pm

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Have been addicted for the past few months playing this game to have a short break from projects. Lol. I'm enjoying this alot but so far cannot get a perfect score without any bad. At least got 1 bad score. Hehehe. If you like to play this than enjoy. I was told it's something like O2Jam wonder what that is.

Recently research on online games and i managed to find lots of funny websites. Anyway i tried audition. Lol. It's super boring but at least it's not like maple where you just wack the enemies that are lower lvl than you. Anyway it's rather stupid to play audition but it make you have faster reaction and managed to beat the opponent will give you super strength and pride. As some of them are really god-like. They can wack the floor like crazy. Hahahaha. Ok. Gotta end here. I have to rush my projects again. Good luck to my language test later. Au Viour.

Shannon

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
1:18 pm

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Saturday, August 04, 2007

Never believe in Fairy Tales, i was all a lie. A story used to cheat Childrens and give them hope that the world is such a nice and beautiful place to live in. Where people ill live happily ever after. How many people actually gets to live life like this since the time they were born ? Foolish was i to believe in love such as that. To think that i will change for a woman and not God. You must be joking. I will never ever do that again. All is for God nothing else. Price is paid and lesson is learnt. I will not be fooled and toyed with. I will never be a puppet to be played around with, find some other guy to toy with evil women. Consume yourself with hate and enjoy while you still can. I will not bother nor respond to you, what reason do i have to humour you while i am busy with my projects. None... I shall never spent my time wasting on people who do not cherish them and that a relationship seriously. I had enough of that. How many more times will i be tormented with such people who do not love a people seriously but only speaks about them. Is it that fun to form a bond and break it ? Man...

Talk about love, anyway hack that. Project mate is even worst. Sit down there for 3 hours stare at the screen, sleep and go msn chatting. While i do the coding. Ask the questions and edit/modify the documents. What in the world are you doing. Even ASP.net sit one corner msn. Do project work on 1 freaking page for 5 hours and tell me you want to go home. If i'm the teacher i'll screw your life forever until you quit TP. I now have to take over your part and finish it by this wednessday before the teacher starts nagging again. I want to have an extra week of study break so don't even think of slacking Timothy, you have lots things to do and many more to come. Kill yourself for 3 more freaking weeks. Enjoy your bloody holiday and kill yourself for another 6 months until graduation and you'll be working for another few months before you enter into NS for 2 years of your life and than work for than another 2 or 3 years before entering UNI. Where you'll kill yourself for the next 5 or 6 years. Get married and have a few kids. And your kids will suffer the same fate. Fall in love bah bah bah.... I have lost faith in love in this world. Such love between a guy and a gal. Who needs it. Girls chat with you cause you look good. Guys chat with you cause you can help them with their projects or have fun playing CS. Those "friends" will disappear as soon as you do not play any part in their lives anymore. Maybe it is true marry within the Lord. Life will be better. Who else can be a better husband than the Lord himself. The only love you should have is for God. As he will alway love you and never abandon you. Unlike the people of this world.

Ever since i was in upper sec. I usually lock myself in the room. I hated humans. I never like strangers. Wouldn't talk to them, waiting for them to make a wrong move such a trying to wack so i can hit them back. Mixing with the wrong crowd. Getting into trouble. Naturally near-by when there is a inter-school gang fight. Got my name lock in their(police) database for playing soccer in the void deck. Lucky after that we found a nice spot to play our soccer. Why have my life been a complete mess ? It has never been the life i wanted or expected it to be ? I was never happy. The first time i went out with a girl was with a group of guys and she asked me out on a second date before asking me to be her BF. My "Best Friend" thought i would snatch his GF although i do not have a clue who the hell is she. He made a move make me her god-bro.... Lame... i didn't even agree to it... He was treating her like a dog giving her restriction so that she couldn't come see me. Lol... I just needed help for maths and he stick by her when i asked her for help. Ok.... Moving on... Back Stab.. Right somehow i do not want to talk about it anymore.... It's gonna rip open that wound that i forgotten and forgave the person somehow. But still i don't think i have fully forgiven the person since i still dislike seeing him. Thinking of entering the same camp as him just turn me off.... People i have known since primary school ganged up to put false accusation to me and edited my words to make me the guilty party. Posting it on friendster so every single people can view it. Each post made my blood boil. Each post made us friends no longer. Even when i wanted to stop this senseless arguement and forget about it. He makes it even more grand an occasion. What a big loser. Childish behaviour. Guess no one will read this post. Lol. But i do feel better now that i've written this down. Still somehow i hate humans. Those who are not of church. But lately seeing people in church even some girls i know of... I think i might be wrong. I might start to lose trust in humans again. I might be the next dictator or something. Or lock myself somewhere to avoid contact with humans. Anyway i need to think longer and harder. I might not even be a human if i keep thinking of killing those people. CS is a very harmful game. Do not be expose to it for long hours. It will make you violent.... Many people say your blog sucks or anything but i think i should not care about those anymore. I write what i want and you have no right to say that it's wrong cause it's what i feel. The govt. cannot do anything cause i do not insult nor oppose them. I do not break any law by writting what i feel. I'm totally sick to the core and need a doctor to heal my wounds and that doctor is time. I do not know when i will be cured and what i have to do to be cured. But still i want to be the best. If i play pool i must know every trick there is to know. One day i want to challenge a professional and win him. If i do a project i want to be the best in the class. I want to have nice grades. Not to be a slacker and get so low marks anymore. A B+ is not something to be happy with aim for a Z. I'll never be as smart as G but i want to be smarter than him one day. Maybe during UNI. I want to have better grades than him. I never ever want to slack again. I must grow up. I must be mature for my own sake. I do not care for humans. I must care for myself now. My grades must be good. So hack those "partners" i'll do a one man show in the future. Nitez. I shall sleep in fury and waken a new person but still my hate for man kind will not subside. Only till i can get back that trust, will i eventually and slowly trust people again.
Shannon

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
1:36 am

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