The Forgotten Land

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Yep yep... It's me again... The one and only.... Yeah.... So what has amazed me this recent friday... Well... Firstly my work still sucks as per normal... Good people.. Lousy partner which i really wish to kill if i have the chance.... Maybe I'll set a trap for him... Yeah.... I'll put dog poop on his chair so he'll sit on it... Nice.... Anyway.. Enough of him.... Yeah i had a nice relaxing 30 min walk in the garden of SPH.... It was what i like to do... Walking for 2 months already... But that is the only place i can find beauty in that place... Other than.... Most people there wanna skin you alive... And boil you just right... But they don't kill you.. They make sure you don't die...

They give you air to breath and some water to survive.... Than they boil you up again... And kill you... When your end in that place is near... They smile at you as they pierce that knife into your heart a few times and say goodbye... LOL.... Something like that... You get that feeling when you start working... Parents are so great they suffer that much just to feed us and bring us up... Yet how i treat them i'm so ashame.... Why had i not treated them better in the past instead making them worry and scold me... Making their troubles and fustrations worst.... Leading them to anger and than sin.... When we get away scott free... Man... Being a kid is good... I like that... But oh well.. It's time to grow up.. Grow in the wisdom of the Lord and be a child that God loves... Not hate.... Worldly desires will soon fade away... Our pains will be gone...

Just wish that He'll hurry up and carry me up man... I wanna die already... Come on... If the world is gonna end faster... Don't make waste money on marriage... LOL... Girls are disturbing... LOL... Ok... I better stop the anti-female thingy.... Most of my audience are girls...

Anyway as i was saying... I was in the garden feeling depressed and all... When i looked at the plants happily dancing as the wind tango with them with their beautiful leaf and flowers.... Cheered me up.... I went to the edge of the building and looked down... Man.... I'm happy... Looking at the cars dangerously speeding away on the express way... Not that i wanted to kill myself... It's because i was thinking how happy i'll be when i take one of those buses to church or back home... What feelings will it throw me with... LOL... nice feelings... beautiful feelings... To make my day better i sat down with the plants on this wooden platform... There were no ants to bug me... Just blue skies.... There were this birds which i'm thinking is a couple since they stick to each other so much... So i didn't bother them when they were having some private moments playing with the small bushes... I guess it's a game of tag or something... But the bird saw me and i walked away.... Soon i was sitting at that very spot where they were playing... I looked at the sky... How blue and beautiful.... The white clouds were dancing away as it formed different shapes and sizes...

Suddenly this black bird swooped down from the sky.... Got on the railing near where i was sitting and amazingly stopped right in front of me.... LOL... Feel so much like those fairy tale princess when they called out and the birds come to keep them from being bored.... Doesn't sound very right for a guy to say that huh .... LOL... OK moving on... Yes the bird sang... I never been this close to a bird before... I was thinking it'll probably take a dump and leave me with the smell of it... LOL... But no... It sang... Although not in a pleasant voice but nice enough for an animal of that size... When it's partner came swooping down but just at the other side of the railing... I knew it was the same couple that was playing the at bush... We were sharing that perfect spot together... LOL... I didn't know that... I guess it tried to convience the other bird to fly over and sing to me... I was just chewing on my bubble gum and enjoying their singing... Occasionally coughing and spoiling the music... LOL... Yeah... It was fun... I guess i kind of like the way Adam's life before he was thrown out of the garden of Eden... Nice...

Imagine the birds and the bees, bugs and gees.... LOL... Ok enough of the rhyming thingy.... Yeah... Life.. Chatted with Shi Sung lol... I wonder why... The more i chat with her the more she is like Vic... Some replies... Just that Vic more evil la.. LOL.... Funny why girls like to call themselves demure and pure and innocent and all when that is so not true... LOL... If we are like that we won't be placed on earth already... LOL... Ok la...Maybe that's their style.. Like guys play games... Shoot and kill each other... Blood flying everywhere... It's so boring now that i'm playing it again... Maybe not playing games for a year helped abit... It's rather childish... But i realised i just kick serious butt man... LOL... I killed like 10 guys or girls la... So fast so more... 1 bullet 1 death... Whooo..... I have accomplish my goal... I have reached god-light for CS already.... I don't need to be the best for such a stupid thing... As long as i own the small people like crazy and some skilled players i don't really care... LOL... My goal is already fulfilled so i have no cares about it.. I quiet CS once i have defeated my master who bestowed me this skill like ermm... I'm not sure 11 or 12 months ago... for like 4 or 5 hours.... LOL... I have not lost that skill... I've remembered it all.. LOL.. Thank you so much...

When for a meeting after service and before i entered that meeting i met Sis Yu Ting.. Man.. My heart stopped a beat when she entered the room... Should i say sorry now ? What do i do ? Wack her and run.... Make sure she is knocked out cold... Than start running ? I'm not sure so i tried to open my mouth and said something but my throat was dry... I cannot say anything... I wanted to say I'm sorry for running to adam... i'm sorry for not bring my cloths for singing... I was in a rush the other day so i did not bring it... Nooo..... I couldn't say it out... Than she said in the warmest voice... Hello... I replied.. Hi... And i walked out of the room... So stupid a perfect place to apologist and i said Hi and walked out.... SO much for sincerity....

Man.... The meeting was stupid... I was so like feeling bored... And wanted to sleep... I didn't have enough sleep from the game had yesterday... Man... My necro owned during the end game... LOL... ownage.. The people ran when they saw me spam my skill like nothing... I had mana... I had no fear... LOL... I wanted to run to the fountain... Actually the player could just kill me la... All wack throne.. Only me left to wack him... He can kill me no problem but he scared... LOL... But funny to say... He ran when i wacked him... LOL...

Ok back to the meeting... I find it pointless to have long meetings... Which ends up no where.... It doesn't not give me new insights.... but i think the elders have gotten some messages... Anyway... Not put in so much hope until we get the chance to shine for God... If God summons us to do his work... Start running and doing it... If not you get to drink fish water in darkness... Maybe occasional sea weed which flows into the belly of the big fish... Anyway... Had fun... I wanna find out why i'm not coming for youth service myself... What is the main reason.. lazy ? Or uninterested... Parents ? Dun lie... Be truthful... But currently... I'm just clueless... SK's words just strike me like a sting from a bee...

So when i came home i just got online and there Shi Sang was online... I wonder why she came to talk to me... Oh yeah the movie thingy on monday.... vicky was like call them.. Dun care you call them... Yeah i remember now... Ok.. Than i dunno why can chat so much and get website to watch shows... 1 litre of tears... Oh man.. I remembered how much i cried... Not yet 1 litre but close to it la.. Tear abit here and there such got 1 litre bah... But this time i thought got special should cry... But than... I was laughting as i joked with Shi Sang lor... So stupid la... Never cry.... Like so wasted... It's like yes she is in pain... We pity her, so what... It's like when she dies she goes to hell which is more painful.. She suffers for eternity... Man.. So wasted... The last part i thought i was going to cry cause the last time i heard the diary being read i cried... This time only my eyes sting... LOL.. So far never cry... Maybe too long of watching shows and being online... Man... I'm gonna sleep... I have no strength liao... And say wanna play since 11 pm until now than finish.. It's like 2 hours la... What am i think... Ok.. go sleep.. nitez...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
8:54 pm

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

People the reason why i don't hate humans is because God made us... And yes there are good people out there... And there is a reason why i hate certain type of humans... That is because they are freaking cruel... How can you bear to watch this... People who cannot take it please switch it off...
http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=fur_farm&Player=wm
Now you see why ? How can someone be so freaking cruel... If someone were to skin you alive how would you feel ? You would rather die than to feel so much pain... To let people step on your head while they cut your viens and let you bleed to death.... That isn't right... It's just so wrong...
I know this message cannot be inserted into people's head... Wait till the day God comes... You guys will suffer... And beg for mercy... If you can do that to an animal when it's just a baby... What else can you not do to a human baby ? This is simply just sick... Watching this video just makes me wanna puke... Damn... If i ever become like them to kill for the sake of my pleasure... I rather go to hell than to even come close to God for my sins will make my Lord drop a tear for me....
What is wrong with us people... It's time to wake up man... God is watching... Remember... Ok... Back to work.. What a boring day... Gonna sleep when i get home... So tired...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
4:34 pm

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Woke up so early today man... I slept at 3 am.... LOL... Broke my promise... I still wanted to go for the sermon speaking... But when i woke up it was already 9 am... So no point in going... It had just ended when i eyes opened...

I've learned 2 new words firstly it would have to be "Blood brothers" and secondly "Seriously" but you have to use a certain tone to it... LOL... Funny... But i wasn't in the mood to tease Donna.. She is gonna leave on thursday... That's so sad.... Well i'll see her online anyway... So as for Eden who already went back a few hours ago... Boo Hoo... Hopefully i'll see him next year when he comes as a consellor.... Man... I really had a boring day... It's christmas... But forget that it isn't important... IT'S A HOLIDAY .... I've wasted my time playing with kids... My computer was waiting for me to thrash some people....

I wanted so much to beat up some lousy CS players or have fun well getting killed most of the time but trying my best to kill some heroes in Dota... Man.... Fellowship is rather boring playing quiz and worst it was lame...LOL... Nah i take my hat off you... It's rather interesting seeing their faces when they cannot answer any of the lame questions... LOL... And when they see the answer it's like so stupid... That's the only part that kept me laughting and wake...

Fun is not a word i would say... I was busy playing CS while they played some guessing game... The best actress for today Ke Jia... LOL... Win liao la... I thought she was the one who ate it... My sis gave the completely no pain feel... LOL... Best.. Wish i had taken a video of it... Pros will be able to eat wasabei without you knowing it... LOL....

But one think i really wanna write about is... Do you remember your first love ? Before you were born into this world... Somebody has loved you. Before your parents seen your face. Somebody has kept your safe, known everything about you. And died for you. First love, do not ever forget it... Tears flowed down my eyes as i remembered how He loved me when i was born into this world... How He smile when i was plunged into the sea of blood... The blood of forgiveness... How happy i was when my tongue rolled more than usual when i had my doubts and asked for a confirmation from above.... I had forgotten that feeling after telling myself i will never forget... I have lost that feeling of love... Of fear... I keep asking for death, due to the pain i feel at work... Did Jesus ask me to die and go to hell instead of Him dying on the cross to forgive our sins, which we have created ourselves ? We have dug that road when eve first took the fruit and bite a piece of it.

Theolo a place for students to gain spiritual growth... I love to go back to church during those days... For i miss my dearly... I always had regarded my final year incomplete since i was sick for most of the days... Even though i was in church but slacking around sleeping and wasting time to cure that sickness and not eating the words of God is so regrateful.... It's like a big part of my life has gone away... Sucked out of my memory... The pains we suffer at theolo... The sleepless nights are all worth it... The snoring which i don't really miss.... Cause that's the reason for the sleepless nights.... But still thank God we were able to sleep...

I wanted to cry when i heard the hymn being played today... "Nearer still nearer"... I can remember how to sing... A Chinese hymn which i forgot but i sang that in theolo as well... And best my first year hymn which i loved the most... The one that impact me the most and made me almost breaking down into tears.... "If ever i love thee".... My Year 1 choir presentation... That really made me cry... I love that song so much... When Debbie solo the first part it was like so touching... Than the brothers back her up.... Sniff sniff.... I believe God was watching us... From above... His tears must have fallen as well... I guess that's where i loved to sing and well supported having a choir in sembawang... God's song... Praising God, not to sing for self but to sing our hearts to Thee.... Thy love is so great thus our sins seem so small... For your grace has filled us totally and made us clean once again...

We are children of God, we will not sin... That was a word my bro gave me before he left to study overseas.... I understand it now... But even if we do not sin... It doesn't mean, we cannot sin... If we let ourselves be tempted we will sin, thus flee away from temptations... We are protected by God thus we will overcome sin for God is with us blocking satan from accomplishing his evil deeds....

Very funny... Walk out that time Shi Sang was like walk Ke Jia to the bus stop okey ? Agreeing to her demand at the cost of watching my bus pass by me in slow motion... Noooooo..... Don't go wait for me... My heart was screaming.... Wait for me.. But i still cross the road with both of them... And being girls... They should not take short distance for granted... Man.. When happens if something were to happen ? It's already so late... Yikes... Yeah it's already so late now... Gotta run to work tomorrow so cut long story short... Yeah Girls got lots of things to chat... Man... They are noisy.... I can't even listen to my mp3 in peace... Anyway... Sent an sms to shi shan to check if ke jia is back but since no reply.... I assume she is back home already... So i'm going to sleep now... And not be bothered over such things... Man... I gotta stop worrying... I'm gonna grow white hair soon if i continue to do that... Anyway gotta run.... Have to fly to work tomorrow... Byez...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
12:22 am

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

In this world there is nothing that cannot be done... Well except to be a god.... LOL... But unfortunately... I see that it's getting more and more stupid... The virus has spreaded to singapore... The creativity of humans... What more cars... Man... So gay... And i think it belongs to a guy... Oh well.. Just show you the pics and you'll understand for the guys....

Do you like pink ?

Sad to say it's all in pink, i'm sure a certain someone will like pink cars

wait there is more...

The person is either too rich or crazy....

Man...It's like tattooing your beloved wife inside out...

Are you an extremist ?

I find that people should have some self control... Although you like some things... But don't go overboard... This world has nothing for us to hold on to... Don't cling onto such useless things for we have to leave this place eventually...Byez.. Busy busy day...

Oh yeah i heard i have to extend my stay in my work place... But i guess i'll have to try and get my way into school since i have to take lessons there... LOL... Ok.. Just heard someone doing HTML coding asking for 12 bucks per hour lol.... Primary school kids can even do those things for 4 ot 6 bucks per hour. Such codings doesn't even require skills... LOL... Actually i'm just wasting my time here in OMY just to do such useless things... Oh well.... Dun chat liao gotta go.. BB..

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
10:30 am

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

To be rudely awaken after i had returned home so late and slept at 2 am... Damn.... Still play pool and make so much noise... My sister is a natural leader man... So much like how i used to be a leader for evil... Influencing the weak to be weaker... What more influencing a man to be weak...

Remember not to be a stumbling block to others... If you wish to die, die alone... Do not drag someone else into the pool of death to be drowned at the bottom of sin itself... To know more people in church is for them to help pull you up whenever that ever happens... To pull them along with you that way you cannot be pulled up instead you will pull them along.. This way no one can save and remind you of what you have done... God cannot save a man that doesn't want to save himself... He stretches out His hands to help... Instead you shove His hands away... How do you then say He has not helped you at all ? Instead you pulled the people that God has saved into the water as well...

Water is essential for life and man cannot survive without water... That is the physical aspect and logic of this world ever since we have sinned.. What is disturbing and what is not ? Is it disturbing when the truth hits you ? Or if the person is thinking this way and you find it wrong and that it should be your way of thinking ? Yes... I do feel that people are always feeling for themself... Pop songs... Singing of love for women... Not woman... Not one by many and yes he is called the great lover... He is deemed as a good lover for he is much experience with lots of women. A man is great after he has boasted of how many women he has slept with and how many sinful things he has done in this life... Yes... That is the great lover. To love yourself is the greatest love... To save another life... You run up to the person but you stop for a moment to think... Will i get hurt in the process ?

It is time for church... You stop to think do i have enough money to let my family have a comfortable life ? To be able to enjoy the fruit of pleasure in this passing life ? Love what is love ? Reading the mana times... It does make one think... How is one able to love ? To be able to give up your life for the person ? To the mortals... Yes.. That is great love... But think... God gave his son to us.. He did not die for one man... HE died for all... He saved not only you and me.. He saved the world... Every living and breathing human... Not only from the past and for the future... Can your death for one do anything ? Think about your family and friends... If you are married... What will your children think of you ? If you are not... What will your parents think of you ? What impact will you give to them ? What are you showing in your life that can affect them ?

True love ... What is that ? I myself am not sure how to have true love or how i can attain it... My mind is totally mixed up... But i know the love i have for God not is not true... For God so love us that he will never change... Even the test of time will not blow that love for us away... In this world there is no ever lasting love anymore, instead there is ever lusting love... What is this world coming to ? As it is written the world will become like that... Corrupted and full of sin.... Even the church will not be spared... False teachings... Signs and wonders... Things that are not from God will be seen... Sodom has been destroyed... And yet many of sodom's sons and daughters has been born into this world...

Going on a ride to show the foreigners the ugly side of singapore... That is not the ugly sight of singapore... It is the cure of singapore... The sins of singapore... The place which God will strike and destroy... I was praised for being able to spot a whore... It is not something honourable... It's is something disguesting... How i wish i was pure enough not to know these kind of things... To be like children... Running around and enjoying their lives... Harlots... Something which i hate to see... Is it sin itself and it is like a serpent coiling around you trying it's best to strangle you to death... Once you embrace it... Death is assured... It's poison will slowly but surely kill you... The moment you bite the fruit of lust... You are assured that God will leave you... There is no discussion... Not unless you have the pure of heart to really kill your past and embrace God once more... But still a fallen person will be marked with the scars of sin already...

How ever are you going to see God on the last day ? Life... Isn't easy... To live a life of Godlyness... It's almost impossible.. As the Chakara of the devils are too great in this world... The reatsu is too great that we fall into sin... LOL.... But seriously.... If we seek God his powers are far more powerful than that of satan... What we need is will power to fight this evil aura emitting from the ground... For cured is the ground... This world is not of God although He created it... It is of the devils for they are cursed to live here... God will save us and pull us out of danger if we relay and depend on him... The devils can do nothing but watch us get safe... LOL... But don't be so happy.. As long as we are staying in this world... There is many things the devils can do to draw us away from God...

To make our hearts dirty... To hate God... To fall away from God... I guess true love is the example set by God... To love and not change even after the test of time... Ever lusting love... The world today disappoints me... I'm sure others are disappointed as well... If we ask where is the Love in church, that is correct.. For we are the ones that have the love... We are the ones who can make the difference.. If we fall away and go to another church, isn't that giving up and not helping the church change ? Making others disappointed as well and leaving the church... The way to life, love is one of the many ingredience to our life before entering heaven... It is a core material to help create a better life... To love a person you can forgive the person of everything... But to love a person is hard... To get angry and hate the person is easy... Why is everything so hard ?

What is good we do not do, what is bad is what we do... Knowing good and not doing it, that is sin as well... It is so easy for us to break God's laws and sin against him... By closing our eyes and not seeing anything we do not wish to see... I wish to borrow the mana times and bring it to my work place to read... It really makes me thing more about how i am treating God... Why do i not change at all and go back to the man i used to be ? As weak as i am... I am saying this. It is making me feel so fake... I feel that my life is a fake... What i am doing is a fake... How can i be holy ? What i do and what i say is 2 totally different things... My goals... To be like Jesus... Even God is the form of flesh can be so holy... That is what i can be like as well... Jesus is limited by flesh that is what i am limited as well... So why can't i be like him ? Yes he knows our limits... That's what makes God all knowing... I can never become like Jesus as i have sin and was borned with sin... That is the difference... But still i won't stop trying... To be God's favourate child... To be able to look at Him and talk to Him... So that my face will shine with His glory... That is my goal... The people did not go up to the mountain to see God for they have sinned and feared death. For only people without sin can see God and live... Indeed i would think that God would have let them live if only they had a courage to seek forgiveness when they seen Him. If we fear his wrath why not applease Him by asking of his forgiveness ? If only man did not eat the fruit of good and evil... We wouldn't have to suffer the life of sin... A great chain that has been around our necks since birth... Oh well... Back to work... BB..

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
2:09 pm

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ahhh.... A brand new day with a brand new morning.... God allowed me to open my eyes once again... LOL... I am grateful for that but somehow i wish he'll let me sleep for 3 weeks than i don't need to go to work and than go back to school. LOL...

Anyway since my work place is so close to church i guess it's only logical that God wants me to go to Adam again.... Man.... It's so fun to be in theolo... To visit God's house each and everyday to wake up and see God's face... To be basking in the glory of God.... Till our faces shine with the light of God... The tiredness is only physical.... But the strength comes from within... Within the hearts of man... The soul is happy...

Before i slept yesterday, i was disturbed but some news from my cousin... Man... It's sad to hear the church in other parts of the world has come to this... I'm thankful God preserved Singapore... But i fear that would change from what i am hearing... I don't want to change this system.... God is always the same so how can his laws change ? Would we like to see our children turn corrupted with the laws of God ? Would you like to see our people change to be like the world ? It felt sad for me to hear of such things... My cousin says why can't all man be like me... I feel so ashame... Why can't all men be like Jesus... That way there will not be sin...

Woke up feeling fresh and happy... I had a dream.... I was fighting my sins... And i won with the help of God... What he taught me.. Indeed it was a happy dream... My desires to turn back after having that conversation last night was disturbing... The devils really don't know when to give up... Be watchful always... Now i know the meaning.... It's not to be alert like 80%... It's to be alert 100% for the devil is always at a corner looking at you... Waiting for a chance of weakeness to grab you and devour you....

I realised that when i pray i really command God what to do... It's like God give me strength and courage... Blah blah blah... The list goes on forever.... It's not like, God if it is your will... Please make me your good servant... Give me such a attribute to be worthy to serve you... For Lord i am weak and you are mighty... If it allows you to fulfill your work, bestow your blessings to your unworthy servant... No it's all this and that.. God do this God do that... Are we trying to be God instead of serving God ? God is merciful... But do not take advantage of his grace... We should humble ourselves and instead be more ashame of what we have done against him....

I had my morning prayer and i suddenly just had this thought... Imagin... Trees... Just a few of them.... On a plain field... Some a green and growing beautifully while some are withering and dying.... The sun ray is beating down giving food... But Clouds are gathering on the dying tree... Shading the sun's ray away from the tree....Because of that the sun made thicker rays to try and shine through the cloud but the tree blocked the wind from blowing the clouds away... Only a few branches reached out to seek the sun's ray but was unable to withstand too much of the bright light.... The suddenly the white clouds gather and drew dark.... Lightening flashed out of the clouds and burnt the branches reaching out of the clouds making them fall one by one.... The tree was sad and dying... But it wishes for the sun.... So it decided to let the water out of the roots with the hear from the sun rays and turn to vapour which entered into the clouds... The clouds grew thicker and heavier and was unable to do anything... So it showered and watered the dusty leaf... Wiping aways all the dirt and making the tree clean before it disappears... The sun rays beat against the tree and it was once again health... This is how the story end in this world... But be careful for the clouds will once again gather around the tree and kill it if it ever gets the chance to find a speck of dust on it's leaf..

So it's not a real story but it's true that in our life... We should always seek God.. Being too proud because someone says you are holy may have already caused one to fall... Being too weak would enable the hungry wolf to eat you right away... Thus stay alert and all time... Pray to God to keep our souls safe... God bless...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
11:19 am

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Monday, December 10, 2007

I went to church today... Isn't that a surprise ? LOL... Actually i went there to help my mom with her cooking duty... Since i managed to wake up due to some calls made by my work place... I decided to wake up and go to church...

Woahhh.... I forgotten how hot food can be if cooked in a big pile... Man it was so hot.... Yeah i went to wash my face after that cause i was sweating like crazy just doing some small stuff... I wonder how much hard work those ladies have been doing to provide food to the young and ungrateful children... LOL...

Went out to wash my face.. Right... Don't get out of point... Yeah so there it was KJ came without me knowing until her piercing voice like those swords clashing... Woah... Woke me out of my sleepy mode... LOL... She was like "Why are you here today ?" I was like... "Can't i come here"... I was soo lazy to tell her the full detail so i just gave the fastest reply... LOL... THat's bad... I gotta stop doing that already.. And SS came by and gave that smile.... LOL... So funny... Just seeing them makes people smile.. LOL.... Well at least i'm one of the people... HAHAHA... I seem to be talking to them more than talking to my sis la... Super anti-social... She gotta wake up from dreaming already... So must i...LOL...OH well.. Moving on i went to the library to slack but instead of cooling down from the heat of the rice and slacking or maybe sleeping... i stumbled upon a mana time... LOL... So i opened it and read it... Looks interesting...

Reading the mana times... IT's like a whole new thing... I never read such articles before... It like a refreshing thing for me... THe bible is wonderful but to hear things like that sort of melt my heart as i read from story to story... Each person has a story to tell but what kind of story do we have about God ? And do we dare to say it out ? New insights were given to me like... Man... Can't i be like that... That's a sign of holiness... IF only this little pieces of holiness can be gathered by me... MAn... God will love me like crazy... Not like he don't but at least i will feel a little bit more worthy of getting his love...

Cos from what i see, ever since i realised i got the HS... IT's like i realised i got more sinful... How am i changing ? Will i still be with God when i'm 30 ? Will i follow the world ? Corruption has taken place and it's not part of God's plans... I want to change but how can i change ? Thank God for Nah... He gave me good childhood friends... And i am thankful for that... Having this chat with him lessen my built up burden i had for months...

Yeah so much has gone by... And after reading the mana times.. I heard the choir sing... LOL... It's so tempting that i wanted to join in as well... So i joined in after finishing the article i was reading.... It's so fun but time consuming... Time passed by so quickly... I was soon to make a decision to be torn apart from singing and going back to work again... Oh well... Anyway... Thanks to God i was able to reach my work place on time... Oh well.. I feel so much like slacking now... Too bad i gotta work.. Right... Back to my work time... Byez...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
3:02 pm

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Friday, December 07, 2007

Great news... My sis ... Well i think you guys should know... I'll post it in a few days times... Maybe next thursday or friday... LOL... Let her tell you the news...

Anyway... It's so funny... I watched this advertisement about the baby with these body builders around the baby telling on how baby needs softness... LOL... I smiled but i was not truely happy... That smile should have been bright and well... A great feeling will overcome me... Hahaha... Maybe my soul isn't happy with the way i live my life at the moment... It's morning thus i can't smile from my heart... But i guess the worldly explaination and excuses would be either it's the sleepless nights or the stupid mutt making me wake up extra early and sleeping extra late due to the mess he has made or the barking he does each morning to wake me up.... Sickening.... If it was my sis she should have fallen ill like ages ago... ALthough she more probably would just hack care about it.... I wonder how my elder sis puts up with this man....

Anyway i feel so happy for my sis.... She is so stupid yet she got something so precious that no one in the whole world can take from her... Except if she were to throw it away herself... God's plans... I wonder how HE plans things... I totally have no clue... Hahaha... Anyway since it's a good thing i don't really care how HE plans it at the moment... Must find a way to celebrate it... LOL....

She lucky la... This year birthday is special for both her and i.... It's nice to see smiling face from the bottom of people's hearts.... My parents don't know anything of it yet... Wanted her to tell him personally... LOL.... I wonder what i wanted to blog before i heard this news but i guess it's not important since i've forgotten about it... LOL... OK... Gotta go... Late wanna shop for my sis stuff and bring them to church before i KO and sleep at home till tomorrow afternoon.... I lack too much sleep already... Can't lose any more of it... Oh well.. I'm gonna game abit since it's rather free at the moment... Before the big news comes in and i get busy again... Byez... Oh yeah...

Thank you God for all the blessings you gave my family and i, nothing could i do to repay every single debt i owe you... Even if i become like you i can never erase the past sins i have done against you and still doing plus future sins i might accumulate no matter what even if it's a slight sign of anger it's still a sin anyway... How do you do it ? I wonder... Jesus in the flesh with so many weakness... Imagin i can carry 200 kg and i'm reduced to having powers to carry only 55 kg and only for awhile before i drop the woman..... Man it's like a big thing to give up... Plus in the end after trying to help this world i get killed...

It's like super unfair la.... That's why i can't understand the might of God... How you think, what you think.... I really don't understand anything about You O Lord... You are so good in all ways even in the flesh.... I'm like what the hell, how can i even reach your level ever.... And some more i'm in the flesh as well... Oh man.. It's so difficult... I can act and pretend like for a month or so... Just enduring... Don't bother about anything else but for eternity is like long for me since i'm bounded by time.... I want to be like you.... Somehow it isn't working... I need to find solutions... And i know You have all the answers...

Oh yeah about a sermon on wednesday... Yeah.. When we pray are we commanding God to do the things we want ? It's seems rather true... Usually we keep asking like... Please God do this... Give me this.. I want this... I seek this and that and i want to make it mine... I wonder... If we are trying to be a god ourself ? We command others like that... It's like making others dogs and we the masters.... A dog was told by it's master you can go to any room in my house except this room... But still the dog enters... The master knows the dog will be curious and enters the room no matter what but still he trusted the dog and gave it it's freedom to roam.... It is punished and scolded when it enters the room...

We were onces given the chance to roam in eden... We were trusted with not eating the forbidden fruit.... But still we ate it... It's a different case man... It concerns our life and not dirtying the room like the previous examples... Not only were we not scolded but only got a way with a punishment... Which is not only stupid, it's full of mercy.... If you did something extremely wrong would you not get the worst of punishments... Instead God asked you to plant you own food... isn't what we suppose to do ? We are to take care of the family isn't it ? Yet this generation is throwing parents out, and worst cheating your own parents to sell the house and locking them outside... Isn't that the most cruel thing in the world ? The saddest thing you can even do... If God were to do that to you on the last day how would you feel ? We were to plant food and it might not be successful... But God still made it possible for us to grow food to live on... For we were once the most favourate thing God has ever made... Though we sinned and might have been less favourate but all the more we are his favourate.... Humans... This is how we repay our master... I'm a part of the sinners... I have not shined for a long time... When will i go up to the mountains and talked to God again... I miss those day...

The day where my friends and i were in theolo and prayer was so sweet... We were in love with God and we were loved by God as well... We cried to God, we shed tears and we threw our worries and care to him... We threw everything we could and were clean with ourselves... The happiness to know that we recieved the Holy Spirit is the best news ever.... I don't want to forget that day... For is it the day God trusted me with the keys to open the gate of heaven.... So that i may enter.... Thus i want to remember the day he gave me those keys... So i won't lose them... I want to keep them in my pocket safe from all dangers... Many people wish to take this key away from me... God's enemies are trying to steal them from me.... The fallen ones are cruel to pull us with them dragging us to the depths of hell.... The rule the world and thus every good thing is hard to do and be made know... Every bad thing spreads like wild fire...

Where is the love ? Seriously... It's just a song from the Black Eye Peas but still even thought i just know this line... It's a good question... Where is the love ? Where is our love ? Are people falling due to the lack of this ? Are they running to other Churches because of that ? So what are we to do ? Scold them saying why are you running because of such small problems ? In fact i felt the same and wanted to run away as well... But i thought to myself... If others don't show love... Why don't i give it a go and try it out myself ? Why can't i be love as well since God is Love... He made love and created love... The very manifestation of love itself.... Isn't that the ultimate goal we should aim for ? To be like God ? To be more like Jesus... I remember singing this hymn in choir saying "Make me more like Jesus, fill me heavenly dove." That is so fake if we sing that and don't do it...

I feel like i'm living a fake life... Something which is so static... Like a robot... I feel like i'm being made into a robot by the devils... He just as a simple message with 3 words... "SIN" ... That is the simple message that is so effective that it can even beat the best warrior in this world... Did all heros kill their enemies and showed no weakness ? No... THey hunger for lust.... They take wives from the countries they have beaten... They fought due to greed.... They wanted land or anything that can benifit them... They seek fame once they had a sip of it's poison.... Thus they ignored fear and sent it to their enemies.... Anyway i guess i've been talking too much... Gotta rest abit before articles starts coming... It's gonna be a busy day... Byez...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
10:18 am

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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Oh man..... I wasted my 2hr early go home thingy..... Anyway.... On monday i wanted to spend time with my family since they were to go overseas yesterday.... Unfortunately my partner had to play ninja and hide in the shadows for that day.... There goes my perfect day off with my parents.... Anyway i wonder what i am going to do tomorrow... Changing shift isn't really my type of game.... Maybe i'll ask my partner if i can do OT tomorrow and change shift with him next week during Evengerlistic Meeting...

Oh yeah abou the 2 hrs wasted... Well... I was late for prayer... and by the time i got a bus it was 5.50 pm so i think i'll pass and come for dinner in church.... That was not my intention for the day.... To go church for a free dinner is something unhonourable... I would not go home to my father's house just for a meal and leave without talking to him.... Anyway Nah asked me not to come for fun and disturbe the others... LOL... Cannot blame him la... I now trying to be as serious as possible... Never expected my seriousness has taken effect...

Anyway, not only did i spend my time unwisely... I just sat down and watched movies like my time was unlimited... Man... 3 movies in that short time... Plus the moment i came home my Dog, Yes, my Dog... Man... He is back again and he is smellllyyyyy.... He jump right onto me full blow the moment i opened the door.... Luckly he is a small dog... I would have just fell onto the ground if he was to be a large dog... I had no strength left and i wanted to sleep very badly... So badly that i would do anything to take off... But this week is like crazy so i won't kill myself and take off just to care for that dumb mutt...

Feeding and cleaning the mess made me spend an hour of my leave and what's more he wanted me to pat him... Oh man.... I did not give in ... Not until i had my bath... But he followed and watched me with his puppy eyes.....LOL... He waited outside the toliet door... Man... How hard would it take to resist stroking his fur... But i had to resist... I still need to enter my room and switch on my laptop and get back to schedule...

Poor thing... He wanted me to feed him.... So i tried feeding him but i didn't have the time to play with him for more than an hour... I need to enjoy myself before i go crazy.... I had not followed my parents instructions at all so i let him into my room... He just laid at the floor mat i had... LOL... It was fun to see him just do that... Peace and quiet... Or so i thought... He wanted attention and climbed onto my bed... Seeking my attention while i was captivated by my show... Suddenly he did the most remarkable thing... He just slept on my laptop.... Refusing to budge.... Pampered spoilt brat.... I had to cover him under my blanket and pat him to sleep while i was watching the show...

After the show i got up to cook dinner... He woke up and bug me again.... Barking while i took the food out for him to slience him from spoiling the peaceful environment i was trying to attain... Yes... It managed to work for awhile... But Dog food and human food are 2 different things... How long do you think it will last before he quietens down... Anyway... During dinner he kept coming to me for food... Oh well looks like my dog isn't really a dog... Anyway my partner isn't here at the moment and i'm feeling really sick of him.... Damn him man.... So feel like cursing him to hell... Anyway.. I'm gonna sign off now... Going to church later to let some steam off... Praying will calm me down... Hopefully...

Byez...

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
10:43 am

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Monday, December 03, 2007

Woah it's feels good, not physically cause i'm feeling dead tired now. But i never smiled and felt so happy in 2 months. I finally smiled and joked. And talked crap... LOL.... Even if it's just for like a short while... I was finally able to feel happy. Guess all the serious look i had to endure to make people think seriously about me plan has failed. LOL.... I just love this joking side of me... I feels so good to finally free myself...

Freedom... As long as it doesn't go against the law of God. That is good... I wonder why i felt so happy just because of going to church ? ..... Come to think of it... I wonder if it's God or my friends that make me so happy.... I want to say i'm happy because i'm in the house of the Lord.... But something just holds me back.... Is it true ? Am i really feeling that way or is it a lie i tell myself ?

Love the Lord.... Am i really doing that ? Sometimes it seems as if i'm leading a fake life... Going to God it's like praise God this and that... Going to work... Hahahaha.... Yeah right..... Laughting and talking to people.... Not bothering to tell them anything about God.... Unless they ask something... Which they rarely do... What have i done for the Lord ? Did i even do anything for him ? Was i ever faithful to him ? Am i still faithful ? What is the standard of being faithful to me ? Many questions are poping in my head... What should i do ? I really have no idea... Should i help out in church ? How can i help ? Do i have any chance of helping ? Oh well.... God will guide... I'm sure he will be able to give me something to serve him... Even if it's a little thing, i'm not worthy to do it... But i'll try my best to serve him.

Had a fun time in church yesterday... I wonder why i wasn't shaking so much when the choir was up on stage and presenting.... Maybe God was beside me holding my legs... LOL... Sorry arr... Might be abit smelly... LOL.... Oh well... Lots of sight to behold like Su shan and Ke Jia cleaning their feet with tissue in front of me... For what reason i have no idea... LOL... Oh yeah i remembered.... Their feets were wet from cleaning the toliet.... LOL...

Went out with Serene, Donna and her cousin Jeffery...LOL... HE is one good guy man... Finally i am talking of menga and animation and Dota again... How long was it that i last talked about that ? LOL... I can't remember... It's always has been this and that... Work and all... Boring stuff... Go church pray better... Something it feels as if i will feel better if i don't live in this world... Oh well.. Suffer a few more years than go back to my home above... I just don't feel that i suit living in this place... It's not where i belong...

Shopping a dreaded thing.... I hate that to the core... LOL... BW la... Keep teasing me... Oh well...LOL... At least i chatted with Jeffery abit... It wasn't that bad but i wanted to talk rubbish to have some fun instead....

Ahhh.... Dun have time to complete... Need to OT again... Oh well.... Byez....

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
9:46 am

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About Me

Crossroads

Memories Of The Wind

Whispers Of The Forest

Whistle While You Walk

The Trodden Road

Memories of the forgotten

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Monday, December 10, 2007

Friday, December 07, 2007

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Monday, December 03, 2007