The Forgotten Land

Sunday, April 27, 2008

My heart was beating so fast today. Finally after 3 years i managed to get into contact with L again. LUcky i didn't get to play maple much today since no one wanted to play I got a chance to find my old friends and well yeah friends on friendster. LOL. I guess the plan to kick my addiction of playing games is working so soon Zi Chao and bro nic can stop saying about my game addictions. Ok arr... I quit already hor. Dun say dun have. Dun believe ask Glenn to spot check me.

Anyway today was so boring. I wanted to work on my project but i got bored of working on it and so i played maple but got bored after an hour. So i went on msn, friendster and check on some friends. LOL speaking of MSN i thought L was online so i talked until so fun but it was a guy. LOL. So embrassing but anyway LOL. Talked to L man ! It's been so long since i last talked to L i thought i lost contact with her already but hahaha i found her back a few weeks back. L was busy so i chatting abit before i left L to finish up the project since it was to be submitted soon. I remembered those days. Hahaha it was happy times. Man so many friends i have lost. I wanna find my friends back. What happened ? Just because we got bad results during the O's so we go our separate ways ? Isn't that breaking us apart ? Now we have 3 groups when we meet. ITE, Poly and JC. What the hell.. Why must we group ourselves and make us so far away from one another ? Anyway it's good to find my friends again. They don't see me different from them anymore cos i'm getting out of this sickening place called TP.

So anyway i went on to watch a movie. Walked around. And went to sleep like mad. LOL. Guess i needed the sleep. Chatted with Zi Chao ask him if he wanted to play maple. LOL.. I totally forgot he got exams man. Ok. So good thing one shot kill my urge to play games. Yeah i still have to think about killing the guitar lessons. But it's addictive. LOL. You can play the guitar like mad. Yeah so played the new songs i learnt during my last lessons. LOL. It was fun. But than i was bored so i went online again. And woah L was still online. So we chatting abit more. Lucky. Man. Lucky i didn't anyhow told my friend i'll go with his match making plans with his friend. LOL. Finally what i want is coming true. What i truely desire. Maybe most of the girls i like remind me of her. I want to date them but maybe i just know they are just a fake screen. My feelings are lying to me. I don't really love them. Why do i date girls i don't like ? Was it to cover my feelings for her ? I wonder... How did my feelings die off for her in the first place ? I wonder ...

Ahh for brothers.... Man. I hate this brotherhood thingy rule about giving girls. But since my friend chose her so be it. But it broke my heart to see him breaking up with her 2 weeks later for another girl. Damn. I still remember that feeling the feeling that i so want to hit him when she had left the classroom. How can you hurt her for another girl ? Why must such people exist. How in the world did i ever see in him to call him brother ? Just because he is from my group of buddies ? Brother's are more than that. If you break up because you have nothing in common and cannot get along i have nothing to say. But you broke her heart by 2 timing both girls.

Damn. I was really sad during that time. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Why in the world would such a thing happen... Every time she saw him she would try to control her tears from falling but fails to do so. She would avoid sitting in front since we took the place there. I fought with him so we were sitting far apart. I remembered what i said to her the last time i spoke with L. I was fighting with that ass. I'm not sure if she heard it or not. Maybe her friends hear it and told her that. But i told her to bug off and not bother me. I was pissed off from that fight. Lucky no bruise if not my mom will kill me. Fighting for a girl whom she objects me to date. I'm sure i can change that. Cos i really love her.

That was the biggest mistake in my life. To tell her to bug off when she was already wounded. For the sake of a duty i had in church, i had to go do some church work. I was in a hurry during then so i told her off for bothering me when i was just leaving and shutting down my com. I guess she deleted and blocked me. So just now i talked to her she was like so why are you still talking to me. I felt guility for saying that to her before. Lucky she was just kidding. I didn't know what to say. Hmm... The only person that can make me speechless.... If serene see how i thrash her. LOL.

Anyway this is crap la. So dun care already the past is gone. I'll on talking terms with the ass. But not really so close anymore. LOL. Hmm... Guess revenge will get one to achieve nothing at all. But now, hahaha. My chance is here. I will not let go no matter what. So L get ready cause my eyes have room for none but 4 persons. 1. God, 2. Parents, 3. Family and Lastly and most importantly You. I see it so clearly now.

How do you know if the person is the one ? Hahahha. You don't. But you want to make the person you love The One no matter what. Sorry to those who wants to change my mind about marrying within the Lord. But if the time comes, the time comes. And the time for me has arrived. I want to continue living my life alone but to see her sad again. It just pains me to do so, so i wish to make her happy. I want to walk on the road with her. This is one i can confidently say i commit myself to it and with a lesson from someone else. Ok enough of the mortal life talking now to God.

Some people ask me why everytime i talk about God i'm so emo. But the question i have for you is why are you so emo about yourself but not God ? Come to God dun care come to yourself care so much. Another thing is if you dun care about God why must i care about you ? You pamper yourself but you don't love yourself. God's plans is so beautiful. But yet we don't listen and we go against him time after time. We study God's words for awhile and than we run away from it. We seek the world during that time slot. Most important is stick to God no matter what. If you wish to hack care God, for now hack care. I'll be on to you. LOL. But the time is not now. If you leave God that is the question i'll be on to you now. For they need more attention than that of your situation.

People must grow on the words of God and not just say that they have grown and all that and later just leave. Sometime where we say it's my life. Dun try to take over it. It is like hardening our hearts like what happened in Egypt a long time ago ? Must a life be taken away before we give in ? Would revenge come after that ? I wonder. Anyway you are in charge of your life. So how you decide to spend yes it's your choice. But it's good to spend them on your creator. I'm not sure what's i'm really saying but if i offend others please do give comments. But i believe strongly about what i feel. But if it's concerning my mortal life. Maybe i shall keep my slience for the time being.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
9:37 pm

-----------------

Friday, April 25, 2008

I've recently been digging old songs. While rampaging into all the oldies(sorry for te older people who are viewing this but most of my friends are my age not so young but not so old.... LOL..) i remembered alot of fun stuff i experienced during my childhood. LOL. It was fun. Too bad i can't find the songs that were played on the tape. I really wanted to find the smurf. It's super cool. I love those songs. About dove.

"Higher and higher they sore in the sky. No matter how many miles they have flow not many how many times they have gone but they always come home eventually, always come home eventually no matter how many miles they have flown they will always come home."
That's all i can remember. Not bad hey. It's been over 8 years since i last heard that song so i can remember only those few lines cos i listen to them till i fall asleep in my sister's room so i'm sure to remember those lines before i start to sleep walk around.

But this song has a very important meaning. That is why i like it. Alway come home eventually. No matter how many miles they have flow they will always come home. Sounds nice be it going home from work, or from school or even overseas. One is most comfortable at home. Like heaven. I bet some of us are feeling bored of this life. Like at work. But soon. God will take us home. We'll always come home isn't that right Lord. Hahahaha.

Anyway i keep listening to this song la. For the past few days. Make it look nice so i dun want to copy and write down the whole lyrics. LOL. Hopefully it appears. If not i have to reload this article again. The title as you can see is The Prayer.

The Prayer Lyrics

It's a beautiful prayer to God if we can think for ourselves what can inspire us to pray better that would the best. I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go. And help us to be wise, in times when we don't know. Let's see. God be our eyes protect our eyes from sin. To watch us where we go, guide our life and protect us from harm. And help us to be wise, to grow in the wisdom of the Lord. In times when we don't know, to prevent us from walking the path of sin.

Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way. Lead us to a place. Guide us with your grace. To a place where we'll be safe. Hmm... Well basically the starting part is to make sure we remember this when we stray away but i think when that happens we won't remember a single thing, but hopefully your best pal will slap some sense into you to prevent God from slapping you himself if such a day were to happen. OK i think we should carry on. To walk in God's grace as he guides us on. To a place where we'll be safe. I hope that place would be heaven. That way there is no way the devil can come and bug you.

Come on man, sin with me. Come to hell. All the actor and actresses are there. Even the porn stars man. See this cute girl/guy. Yeah she/he is in hell, so why not join the rest ? There are so many of us down here enjoying the hot spring.

LOL. One step in and the hot spring gets boiling hot. Before you know it. You are being cooked together with the rest. LOL. Devils like to set traps. And now i find them super smart. The best way to make sin, is do nothing. Yeah peace. No devils no God. People forget. How is this world created ?

They rather believe it's being blasted together in like dunno 1 in how many chances than to believe God created everything. Smart fallen angels. Damn, how to be smarter than them. I don't believe God made us stupid. We are his favourate sia. Created in his image. Cannot throw face right. So we can out smart the devils in some ways. Hmm... Oh well... Dun think so much. Go sleep first. Oh yeah forgot i need to type the church list. Ok. On the double. Byez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
1:32 am

-----------------

Monday, April 21, 2008

Hey. Sorry it's been a long time since i last blogged. Hmm.... Lots of things happened during this past few weeks. Mostly stuck glued to the computer just right after church. Oh well but enough of that there is still things that happened. Like medical check up. Meeting soliders with sucky attitude. It's like you have to use common sense to manage to get through the bloody maze. No one will say a single thing. Anyway i'm waiting for my letter to go NS... Gotta finish my project and pass up a new one with improved coding...

Anyway i gotta sleep now.. It's been so long since i last slept so early. But still i have to force myself to sleep after this.

I'll just blog a little.

It just struck me that people's words might strike the bulb and light it up. Like may God remember your work. LOL. What work ? For me working for God is repaying everything he has done for us. But since we are incapable, please give a call to God and ask him for help. In the end we kick God away and say "I'm the one who did the work. Now give me credit." LOL. Human nature. How sad. So of course God remembers our work, he was the one who helped us. Instead of praising the person we should instead praise God.

Credit is all we think of. How to be the best. How to be outstanding so we can be noticed. How to impress my boss. Or even how to impress the girl i like. Useless things. Things of the world. Ha... Funny to think i was so obesses with such things. Girls. What are they. We should not fight for them. God will just give them to us. Anyway don't bother God with such things. Our counter parts will be given a chance to meet us.

Somebody told me to be a man to say it out. LOL. I was angry at first but now i see. But still hahaha. Yep. Thank you for that someone's advise. I have told the person already but not the one you expected. It was someone else. Life is sweet. Now is pray to God not to fall into sin. That is more important that pray uselessly for the opposite party. God will answer but what i want is not for myself. What can i do to make God notice me. Not man. Not my counter part ?

God a person i can not understand and i will never understand. How in the world is He so perfect ? Well.... Don't ask me. I'm puzzled with that question. But i know what in the world is true love. You cannot explain it in words. It's a feeling of extreme happiness. You feel no burden. True love is something only God can give now. So far that is the love i can feel. Straight from the heart. Something warm. The more warm you feel the more you know you are in His favour. Parents can give you love from the bottom of their heart but true love may not be there anymore. Will they die for you ? True love is dying for someone you do not know ? Wrong. We can Never have true love. True Love is what God has given. He died to save people. Which means everyone. Every living creature that walk on 2 legs and talk human language.

So problem solved. On to next question which so far my parents cannot answer me. How to be filled with the HS ? Funny for me to ask this question but i don't think asking by praying to God only will do any good. Since we have decided to walk the path of the light. We have to continue walking forward not backwards. I guess i'll have to quit my duties to adam and stay fully at sembawang.

During BS that was this passage about drinking milk and eating solid food. Bro N says we(Nah and i) have ate solid food already but for me. I don't think so. If i'm eating solid food is because i want to serve. I have a zeal for working for God. But if i have the zeal to work for God won't my whole mind and soul be for God ? I have not made myself in that spirit. To work like hell for God in order to get away from hell and make God happy. Ha. Funny to be saying this but... Yes. i believe i'm drinking milk. I'm a slave to games. Games. Ha. I feel so stupid and weak. LOL. For a game i can rush back from church and play it. I pray 10 mins. I can play 10 hours. If God was a game, i think i'll be the most loyal child of his. But He isn't.

Some how i feel i have put the chains back onto my body. The devils are my master. I am his slave. For game i can lose my life. Be a zombie. I wonder how i managed to get abit of my life back. But now i hope i can continue with a life. LOL... Just need to pray more. Sin to go away... Far far away. If he comes i go. If i go closer i'll tie my leg to God's leg that way i can never go close to Sin. But i fear the day i untie the the medium and cause myself to fall. I know God won't let me. But i will left myself fall once again. Sinking into the depths of hell. In this world. No matter how lonely you feel God is there to make lonely less lonely. In hell. Imagin you are locked in a cold black room. Everyday you cannot talk to anyone, and you are tortured every single moment. Both mentally and physically. You think war is horrible. Wait till you see hell.

I may see things in a bad way. But i know that is the worst case. I do not ever want that path of life to befall upon me. Ever. Anway it's late. Gotta sleep. Sayanara. In 30 days my account will expire, i'll be like a drug addict. Wanting to play WoW. So please kill that part of me soon. Going out and playing less will be a good way to start. So i'll work on my freaking project go to school if i have to. Actually i have to. So yeah..... Just make sure i don't get into air force or navy. Commando or police. No other choice. LOL.. Go GO GO... Byez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
2:16 am

-----------------

About Me

Crossroads

Memories Of The Wind

Whispers Of The Forest

Whistle While You Walk

The Trodden Road

Memories of the forgotten

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Friday, April 25, 2008

Monday, April 21, 2008