The Forgotten Land

Monday, July 14, 2008

Before i talk about church i wanna talk about outside stuff first. Sorry i didn't meet up with you XY. I had some problems i need to solve these few days i'll make it up to you. And i'll go for your dance. No need to tag my blog. Offline message me. I'll get to see it faster. Err... As for your dancing performance i think you sms me la. I dunno when i will be free la. So see how.

ZW... LOL... Dun cry la. You beat me for like 2 rounds before i dominated the game what oh by the way i can read your moves and i think you can read mine as well. LOL. Oh yeah thanks for the new trademark move. I'll use it from now on before i dominate you. Hahahaha. ZX you are the one person who's mind i cannot read when playing pool. I really cannot understand your moves.

Err... And please KZ... No i'm not gonna make the game more easy. I tried to play as noob liao but the game too long i cannot take it need to dominate the game. WY... soon la. See when got time play pool with you.

Shar this friday play remind me to wear the correct cloths to play soccer thank you. Benz i think you should sleep. Working and playing plus studying will kill ok. Tone down man, it's cool. Even if i enter army still got sun to go out one. Chill.

L thanks for talking to me the past few days. Although mostly is your troubles i'm solving. Should be the other way around la. I'm the one who needs comfort.

Byez Sun and Glenn. Gone to army on the same day but dunno each other. I'll miss you Glenn no one to hang out with for the next few weeks. But sun when you book pls remind me to strangle you. I fell asleep waiting to eat the last dinner with you man. Too much sia. Call and sms also dun reply.

B when i talk to you i feel depress as well. Cheer up man. There is always hope. Don't give up. I'm trying my best not to give up as well. Death will come naturally, do not try to kill yourself. Nobody will miss you because you died to make the person have your attention for one last time. Live on, create your own world. Don't bother about others they can be an ass for all they one. Nobody can stop you in your path. Walk on. I'll contact you as soon as got game on sat or sun so we can all meet up and play pool. Dun be an ass hor, we used to fight one another but now grow up liao dun scold own people la. Now to be the parent.

ZC stop playing so much games. Go study. Exams coming. I free you are not. I dun need to go school you need. So i'll stop maple for awhile hoping you will stop as well until the dec holidays. But by then i think i need to go army. So dun get so addicted. Ok now towards the topic on church.

To think i won't be missed in church... I didn't know the people i knew as friends really do care. I was thinking it's another thing where people tend to hack care. But why me only ? I guess i'm lucky. 2 years of not hanging out with each other but still the care is there. If Dn D also ask me why not coming to sembawang went malaysia for a trip ?

Family problems getting worst. V ask me to talk to someone i trust and feel comfortable with. But i dun want to burden them with this trouble. I feel like screaming out like mad. I hear the truth but choose to deny it. I just want to tear this page in my life apart but i don't want to make matters worst. Sometimes pressure can drive a person crazy. And i guess i'm going crazy soon. Going to adam all the time. Leaving my duties.... My name has been blanked for sometime now. I fear if i go sembawang i might miss something. And i may live to hate myself for the rest of my life. I fear once i go army and i'm not there, what the hell will happen ? How the hell am i going to do anything ? My freedom is gone, my life might become like hell. I fear so i want to change my fate before it happens. Change the future before i become the future.

So choose the red pill or the blue pill. It's all about choice. So what now. What will i choose ? And will i want to continue on with that road ? If i choose the wrong one... It's game over. Talk cork with Nah for awhile about dreading our life for the next 50 to 60 year. Hahaha. Funny. Stuffing ourselves with food so we die of heart attack. Or plan to die early scheme, invest in eating lard all the days of your lives and earn an early death. Hahaha. Some times i want to crap but no mood to crap. Miss the good old days, but things have to change for certain.

I've made many mistakes in my life and i'm not gonna make anymore of them. Rely on God..... How do i do that ? I have not done it before.... The only time i really begged him and ask him was for the HS... Nothing else. Not my life, not my grades, not anything... I used my hands to do things but God helps most of the time without me asking. It may work out right at times. It might not. This time if i make a mistake a life is at stake. I wonder... How long more do i have time to blog. Before all this life is gone... Before life itself becomes a program where you run the program over and over again. Anyway. Yeah. Forget it. Dun want to say anymore. Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
12:45 am

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Saturday, July 12, 2008

Woo... Crack my ankle while playing football getting a slide by some ass nvm that. Super high. Went to play pool until 3 am. LOL. Sleepy but fun. Spent the whole day out. Hahaha. Watched movie and bought some food man. It's expensive. Things are getting bloody expensive now a days. I guess i should be sleeping now but nvm. I'll go to bed soon. Maybe tomorrow go out with my clickz for another game of pool.

Bloody hell des do so much pattern during the soccer match yesterday. Keep calling me pastor. That ass. Shave his head and post the pics on youtube. Getting so pissed off. Remind me so much of... nvm... I think the most enjoyable time i go to church is for the Holy Communion. Just for God to be a part of him. Hmm.... Wonder if that can really be possible even as i am now. Maybe before when i was ignoring things but now the news are just posted right in front of my face. How many people have known the truth of things and fallen away ? Hmm.... Let me guess just plus one for now. Friends outside maybe even strangers, yes you heard me. Strangers can be more kind than the person you sit beside during service. If you are injured they help you. Funny. I never expected those actions to happen for them. People with a big heart, unfortunately they do not know the truth.

Who the hell is Big Bro anyway. Nvm. If he is so big to even tell his name let him be that way. I'm not bothering. Dun lecture me about God. I'll not give a damn about your lectures. So what if i'm falling. Nobody cares. Like A left, ok no one contact all just say long time never see that person. OK. Right. If you really wish for my own good just leave me alone and better start praying. Arr what the heck am i saying. Forget it. The more i speak the more i lose faith. Even though This really is THE TRUE CHURCH, i wonder why the false teaching are more welcoming. And less sick that this stupid lectures. Heard that in theolo, done that. Been there. Still Humans are sick. So we should just get wiped off this map. Just die la ok. Don't give God more trouble. If i don't exist you won't be there to correct me. I won't do God wrong. He won't be sad. Win win situation.

I'm done with this church maybe malaysia would be less disappointing. Maybe staying in the shadows isn't so bad. Going home after church not meeting anyone. Less disappointment. Good. Wonder why the world opens it's arms to me no matter how i reject, but nah just forget it move closer to God. Follow his laws. Ok. Yeah. Then... Follow his laws for the rest of your short life....Arr Damn... Talking about it won't solve my problems. I have enough of them at the moment.

Funny when one is constantly persuaded to do something they don't like. And i used to have a lesson on peer pressure. To be forced, and not give in. If you give me logic i will accept. If i find it bull than forget it. Isn't that how you preach to others leave it to God. If they find it bull forget it. Pray hope God will open their hearts. See hardening your hearts ain't so difficult. Getting fustrated now? That's how people feel when you keep saying same thing over and over again. Forget it not getting enough sleep. Com break down during critical moment lucky got people to help, thank God for that. But whatever dun give me more comments. Got something use logic. I'm not giving a damn about the rest. Not a moment of peace. If you tell me that's God test for me, i guess i have fail and turn out the way the devils wanted me to become. Even if God is stretching out his hands to me, without me stretching to grab hold of him, He will not be able to save me.

I need some time alone. To be away for things. Maybe I might find the answers i'm looking for. Maybe it's time to go for a holiday. Escape from things. Quit everything i'm doing and just go find a life. Find out the answers i need to seek before i reach back to my sane self. I keep falling into this black hole. And i will keep falling and falling until i get my willing to climb out of that hole. And believe me. Big Bro you might in a way be a medium to God by sending those messages to wake me up. But currently it's not working so stop it, it's annoying me and i'm more firm in my decision of leaving is being the better choice. Work on the other fallen sheeps. You are welcome to argue but seriously as i am. I don't give a damn. So sorry if those words hurt you but to me that is life at the moment.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
4:02 am

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

She just suddenly pop into my head. I miss her so much.... The first love of my life... I wonder why i suddenly feel this way but i just darn can't get her out of my mind. K are you there ? It's been 5 years already, i really miss you. Why did you delete my contact ? Was is so that you can forget me ? I really want to see your face. Why did you have to leave back to your country ? Why can't we still stay together even if we are physically apart ? You were my first and the one i truely ever loved. I know you feel the same cos i too am your first. Damn it. Why was i so rash. I shouldn't have said those things about changing my email so you can't contact me. Now you did the same. I was a freaking liar in the past. How the hell could you have believed me. Why ? I lied to make you happy. I made up stories to make you laught. I'm a freaking liar. Damn it. I've changed but i guess it's too late.
These five years, i've thought i could have you replaced but no... They are just... Someone that i cannot ever contain in my heart. I know you keep shifting to places but if some magic were to appear and you stumbled onto this blog by accident. Mail me. It's still the same one. I'll always be waiting for you. The crushes i have... Man... They are stupid. And they die out fast when the truth hits you in the face. The heart and the eyes are 2 things. Flowers will wither and die. But the heart will always be the same.
I know this is a lost cause. What will make you find me, when you have abandon your mail just as you have left me for the states. I know it's kinda crazy but after 5 year i realised Living without you is hard..... But still i can live on with someone else that i couldn't even love. Someone who's heart will never be in mine. Replacement sucks. They just keep getting replaced. Anyway. I guess seeing this will be impossible. If you remember telling me your full name. LOL. I still remember yup i'm not lying this time. M.S.K.E. LOL... sounds familiar ? Good old days. Oh well. We have lots to catch up. I wanna know about your stays around the world. Where in the world are you now ? How are you doing ? Got any new bfs ? LOL. I'm not green with envy but hahaha. Yeah. Abit. NVM. Just contact me. I wanna hear your voice soon. It's been soo long. And if i could meet you once more i don't mind waiting for another 5 years for you. Byez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
3:31 am

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About Me

Crossroads

Memories Of The Wind

Whispers Of The Forest

Whistle While You Walk

The Trodden Road

Memories of the forgotten

Monday, July 14, 2008

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Tuesday, July 08, 2008