The Forgotten Land

Monday, January 26, 2009

There is alot i wish to say.
Yet i cannot do so.
There is alot of things that i feel inside.
Yet i cannot express it.

I'm thankful.
Thankful for my life.
Thankful to still keep my breath.
Thankful to have water again.
Thankful to have a bed to sleep on.
Thankful for whatever is placed on my plate.

Thankful for parents.
Love ones to give me courage to carry on.
Thankful for their letters.
To motivate me to push forward when the feeling of death sweeps past.
To never give up because of pain.
To move on even when you feel tired.

I want to be the best.
I want to go on.
I want to go all out.
I've achieved my goals.
Maybe i might be able to enter sniper.

My goals might turn out for the better.
But before that.
Pain must be felt.
Nothing comes for free.
This is reality.

Sometimes during field camp.
I keep hating myself.
I keep asking why the hell did Adam eat the bloody fruit.
Don't care Eve la.
Why adam ?
Why are we punished to toil and sweat on the land ?
Why did the stupid snake be so weak ?
But than, Sgt. came and told us to suck thumb.
And get a move on, we don't have all day to dig a stupid hole.

Thank God for such loving parents.
Treating me like a king whenever i return.
Maybe they are feeling guility for that day.
But it's not their fault.
It was never their fault.
It was mine to be so spoilt.
Mine to be so stupid.
To be unable to comfort them.

It's not about what you do.
People make mistakes.
It's about how you change to never make that mistake again.

I've been mentally tortured.
Physically tortured.
But never giving up.
I will not fall because of such stupid stuff.
I will not go down you hear me.

You can throw me as many shit as you can.
Make me leader and screw me up side down.
But i don't give a damn.
I will not fall because of weakness.
Even if i physcially can't do it.
If my mind say i can.... My body will follow.

And now i'm declaring to you ass.
Give me your best shot.
And let me tell you.
Hit me with all you have.
Or you are going to regrate it.

Cos i'll be back.
Stronger, Better, Faster.
Everyday i see my muscles getting bigger.
Everyday i feel like i have become stronger.
Everyday i feel like i can run like the wind.

I will not fall.
I will survive.
Throw me into the jungle thinking i'll die and i'll climb out without a scratch.
I'm a survivor.
To not be able to talk.
To keep slient.
But a song keeps playing in my head.

"Survivor" from destiny child.
1 more month of shit.
What can you throw at me ?
My body is shaking.
Shaking with excitement.
How are you going to break us down ?
Try me.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
1:23 am

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Monday, January 12, 2009

Thanks for the concern.
Thanks for your care.
Thanks for friends.
True friends....

Although i never like to make things big.
But it's good that friends do pass word around.
Thanks for the sms of concern.
Even when the training is tough and there isn't much time.

Honestly i feel shagged.
It's because i wasn't hard working enough.
It's because of my inability.
I get sick easily...

I want to be stronger.
I want to be able to protect the ones i love.
Never knew being a solider could be so tough.
When you are in the best you suffer more.

Maybe i'm not suffering enough for God.
Ain't TJC the best ?
The truth, the one true church ?
Why aren't i training like army ?
If i can take harsh physical training,
why can't i take harsh spiritual training ?
To curb all unholiness.

Army life is full of things to throw your spiritual life away.
Firstly you bond with others.
They become your brothers.....
But remember they come from different backgrounds.
Not yet like us hand picked by God.

It sucks seriously, but i still think positive and go ahead.
Training is getting worst.... We should not have gone at relax pace.
We should have gone from fast to faster...
Now running in boots.... FBO...
I feel like dying.
500m feels like 2.4 km....

My body is sore but it doesn't matter...
My heart and mind....
They are slowly dying....
I'm slowly losing my thoughts...
I wish some how.... My answers will be granted.
After today i won't be back for 2 weeks.
Guess i'll see you guys during CNY.
Bye.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
2:04 pm

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Some times i feel so weak i want to give up.
Yet i gather the strength to carry on.
When i want to lose hope, i want to prove the commanders wrong.
So i pick up hope again.
Dashing forward with all my might.
When i'm weak and powerless i find strength to dash another 2.4km.

A smile was in my face when Dns. Docas told me i was stronger than Joel.
For once, i won him.
For once i've beaten him.
But i'm not too sure about that.
In fact there are times i want to cry but couldn't.
Not because of the harsh training.
I'm a man, i can take it.
But i miss the people that i couldn't say goodbye to.
I miss the love ones i cannot get to see anymore.

I miss chatting with the people i know.
Relationships are broken as i drift futher away from the people i use to know.
My friends are slowly disappearing.
This is how strong bonds are now huh ?
Guess this is how people treat bonds now a days.
Nothing....
Care for self before others.
If there are no benifits forget about it.

Army life is just the same.
Why am i in the smart batch ?
Why am i in the leadership batch ?
People care for themselves.
They don't care for each other.
They just don't wish to get screwed so they shout at you to remind you.
They push the blame and scold you when they get screwed.

At times i just want to give up.
Just totally give up.
Others do 100 to 150 push ups.
We do 300 to 500 push ups.
I feel so screwed up.
Like 360 degree screwed up.
2 more month of hell.
I hope the police answers my prayers.
For i will never sign up if i finish my NS in the army.

I just wish for death.
But i guess God won't take my life yet.
I have not done enough to repay the debt i owe him.
He won't take me away until i have at least repaid the interest that still owe him.
I still owe him too much.
I'm trying hard to control myself.
Too much bad words here.
I find it uncomfortable at first.
But i got used to it.
This is bad.

Worst i'm starting to say them when i get pissed off.
Lucky i have christian friends in my bunk.
With each bad words we say we do 10 push ups.
And i still owe 30 since we got screwed the other day and i had no time to do pumping.
This might turn out good.
In order not to suffer more pumping don't say bad words.
Thus trying to force myself not to harbour such thoughts.
Thus trying to see closeness to God.
Anyway gotta sleep.
Gonna KO already.
Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
9:39 pm

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Friday, January 02, 2009

Had fun... Although i was freaking shagged.
Yes, it was new year's eve.
The day which i booked out.
I booked out at 4 pm.
Reach the freaking harbour at 5pm.
Entered the freaking interchange at around 6.
So vicky, you're information kinda seem wrong. Like totally.

I was on msn at 4 pm well cannot betray my buddy so i cannot say much.
But i had a good time on msn.
I realised how much people are waiting for me.
Waiting for me to appear online.

Got back home at 6 pm. Filled with people bugging me on my phone.
Dispite the fact that i said i was going to sleep.
But oh well. What can i said.
I'm well desired. Muahahaha.

Before i was out of camp.
When i was getting screwed upside down. Vic, SK, ZC and a few other people....
Sorry man... I don't have your numbers in my army phone.
I have no clue who are you so i didn't reply.
Anyway i was being screwed so no point i won't be able to reply you guys as well.

Well firstly after i got out of camp.
Got flooded with herbal soup and drink by my parents.
Due to my flu and all that.
Man... Caring parents.
They gotta do the shit that i bring home from camp.
Thank God i have such parents.

Who will rush to the habour the moment you sms them ?
I told them i book out already and they rushed over to fetch me.
I was still 2 hours from reaching my destination....
They waited for me for 2 hours.

Who in the right mind will wash your cloths and cook for you dinner ?
Very big arr come out of camp.
Need to clean up and treat you like a king ?
Yet my parents went to clean up after my mess on a holiday.
Man... I feel so ashame.
It's like they are going for NS instead of me.
Cook the moment i arrive and all that.
Man.... I feel so useless. Fill that i'm so patetic that i cannot do anything.
Nothing have i done for my parents.

Many people said i have grown.
To be more independent.
To be more mature.
The way i speak is different.
I guess i have no clue.
The more i get screwed the more i miss the life i used to have.
The more i feel i've been spoilt.
I feel like the king the moment i reached home.
I can feel the difference.
The day i left for camp after my first book out,
I felt depressed.
I didn't want to go back.
I felt like dying.
But when i entered camp.
I had no time to die.
I had to train, i need to be more fit.
I need to be strong, better, faster.

Anyway this is going to be a long blog.
Started after the 30 min rest.
The moment my mom opened the door,
reaction kicked in and i sat in standard position.
Felt so stupid. But yeah... That's my life now.
Anyway went out after that with the car at 8 plus nearing 9.
I remembered watching tv with my parents.
But i don't really care about tv.
It was more of talking with my parents.
Watching the news on channel news asia.

I'm like a frog in the well.
Knowing nothing.

Anyway drove to the mrt to pick the guys up.
They were not sure if there were drinks being provided there.
So they got some soft drinks.
I got free soft drinks from SK.
Wooo....

Drove to the park after that.
Had some problems with the parking.
After not driving for 3 weeks plus 4 weeks.
I got abit rusty with the logic.
But i see my reflexes gotten better.
After finding a ulu place to park.
With 2 freaking trucks to hide my car with a van in front of me.
Even if i get finded the van will block me.
And it's far away from the park too.

Anyway told stories of my army life.
Made the guys laugh.
The tough life in tekong has given me lots of stories to tell.
When you are in the best and you cock up.
Many stories will appear.

Wanted to get the chriscentiment tea like last year.
But the menu seems to have changed a whole lot.
Thus i decided to get a pot of tea.
Yeah right what a big pot indeed.
4 bucks for that. Seems kinda expensive and wasteful.
But WTH, i'm having fun with my friends.
I don't really give a damn about the money.
It's the people i'm out with.

The pot looks so ..... Arr....
Well ..... As Vicky said ... Cute.
Saw fireworks in malaysia.
Cool... But nothing special.
When caught my attention was the signal flare look alike.
The flames flew beautifully into the air.
Too bad it didn't burst into flames.
Ever saw a flaming tree ?
I did. It's so cool playing with the items.
Can't wait to play with the big weapons.
Anyway Vic bought sparkles again.....
Oh well... What you expect she never got through NS.
Still a kid.
I felt bored playing sparkles.
After you see the fire arms in army.
Sparkles seem so stupid.
The amount of fire power it can produce is like so small.
You should have seen the flash bang thingy.
Man.... My eyes sparkled when i saw it.
It was so cool.
But in order to make her happy.
Oh well. Just play la.
Anyway SK also ask me to play.
How can i refuse ?

Okay.... As you can see from the pictures i'm having fun.....
I guess....

Tried my best to make a heart shape.....
Unfortunately it didn't seem that easy to bend it the way you want to.
Plus i saw some gun powder falling out so best not to bend it futher.
It did turn out rather cool to burn from both sides.
The heart seems to burn rather nicely.
ZC stole some of the flames from me in order to save his butt from getting burnt.

Had fun building funny shapes and getting it to burn brightly.
We tried burning alot of them but failed like mad.
The sparkles seems to burst like mad....
It burst like a HG but well.
The flames just hit your pants la....
So don't be a sissy.... Just suck it in....
Had fun trying to burst the ultimate bundle.
Tried burning cardboard..... But it was damn hard to burn it....
Took like freaking long and the fire didn't really burn enough to light the whole bunch.

I though of the extreme safety measure.
Put the paper that Nah didn' want, into the bottle.
Light it up and burn the sparkles from a distance.
Freaking scared since i didn't know which one will burst into flames all of a sudden.
SK was telling me not to get disfigured for the sake of burning the sparkles.
I still have to book into tekong on sat.
Hahaha... That was funny...
He of all people telling me that. When he risked his life to burn the first few sparkles.
Hahaha. Funny. But thanks...
I wanted all the more to burn the sparkles when you told me not to.
Because a cougar warrior does not give up, no matter what.

In the end we did a final pose and took a picture.
Vic was saying she'll take the picture of us guys.
But wah piang, there is something called the timer.
Yes you can take it without the use of a human.I decided to give the spirit of the cougar warrior.
Cougar what is your favourate exercise ?
"PUSH UP SGT. !!!!!"
"PUSH UP IN POSITION."
"YES SGT. !!!!"
"Permission to proceed SGT. !!!!"

Vic was asking me .... Sure or not got 10 sec more lei.
Please la. Kanna punished for like 5 mins holding in that position lei.
What is 10 sec.... LOL.
Hmm.... I don't remember myself being so dark. Hahaha.
Oh well. Kanna punished too much already.
Sure turn dark one la.

Oh well. When people ask me to KNOCK IT DOWN.
We must reply.... HOW MANY DO YOU WANT !!!!
300 down now.
THANK YOU SIR.
Permission to continue SIR !!!

That is a cougar warrior.... After the 300 and you wish to die.
You smile and tell the Sir, Sir i want more Sir !!!

Hahaha.... Anyway after that i sent them back 1 by 1.
Not knowing where to go....
Being lost.... Feeling like the road is freaking long.
Anyway after all of that it was like 2.30......

I was freaking shagged already. Going to KO...
Than a phone called rang. Man... You owe me big time...
Went out till 4.30 when i sent you home.
I was totally shagged. Reached home at 5 am...
Slept till 5 pm the next day... Well or should i say the day itself.
Man.... Shagged. Went out with my parents for dinner and walk with them.
Bought some CDs. Classical songs.
So i can put them in the car. Enjoy them while i drive.

Went out with ZX after that for some usual routine.
Althought it's abit lame but well. Yeah ok la.
It's bored. Hopefully today will be eventful.
I'm going back to sleep again. Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
2:49 pm

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About Me

Crossroads

Memories Of The Wind

Whispers Of The Forest

Whistle While You Walk

The Trodden Road

Memories of the forgotten

Monday, January 26, 2009

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Friday, January 02, 2009