The Forgotten Land

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Some times i feel so weak i want to give up.
Yet i gather the strength to carry on.
When i want to lose hope, i want to prove the commanders wrong.
So i pick up hope again.
Dashing forward with all my might.
When i'm weak and powerless i find strength to dash another 2.4km.

A smile was in my face when Dns. Docas told me i was stronger than Joel.
For once, i won him.
For once i've beaten him.
But i'm not too sure about that.
In fact there are times i want to cry but couldn't.
Not because of the harsh training.
I'm a man, i can take it.
But i miss the people that i couldn't say goodbye to.
I miss the love ones i cannot get to see anymore.

I miss chatting with the people i know.
Relationships are broken as i drift futher away from the people i use to know.
My friends are slowly disappearing.
This is how strong bonds are now huh ?
Guess this is how people treat bonds now a days.
Nothing....
Care for self before others.
If there are no benifits forget about it.

Army life is just the same.
Why am i in the smart batch ?
Why am i in the leadership batch ?
People care for themselves.
They don't care for each other.
They just don't wish to get screwed so they shout at you to remind you.
They push the blame and scold you when they get screwed.

At times i just want to give up.
Just totally give up.
Others do 100 to 150 push ups.
We do 300 to 500 push ups.
I feel so screwed up.
Like 360 degree screwed up.
2 more month of hell.
I hope the police answers my prayers.
For i will never sign up if i finish my NS in the army.

I just wish for death.
But i guess God won't take my life yet.
I have not done enough to repay the debt i owe him.
He won't take me away until i have at least repaid the interest that still owe him.
I still owe him too much.
I'm trying hard to control myself.
Too much bad words here.
I find it uncomfortable at first.
But i got used to it.
This is bad.

Worst i'm starting to say them when i get pissed off.
Lucky i have christian friends in my bunk.
With each bad words we say we do 10 push ups.
And i still owe 30 since we got screwed the other day and i had no time to do pumping.
This might turn out good.
In order not to suffer more pumping don't say bad words.
Thus trying to force myself not to harbour such thoughts.
Thus trying to see closeness to God.
Anyway gotta sleep.
Gonna KO already.
Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
9:39 pm

-----------------

About Me

Crossroads

Memories Of The Wind

Whispers Of The Forest

Whistle While You Walk

The Trodden Road

Memories of the forgotten

Sunday, January 11, 2009