The Forgotten Land

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Funny. Today was like.... Hahaha... I can't explain... It's like... Cloud 9 man... I never slept for 10 hours before.... LOL.... I almost woke up at 3 pm.... Woke up at 11 am but i just went back to sleep after looking at the weather. I started dreaming.... I've forgotten about the details but hahaha. How can i forget the main subject... LOL... Vicky..... Damn you... Didn't expect you would still read my blog. Ok. Don't poke your nose too much wor... Your nose might get stuck at the door. LOL.

Well no use for me to deny anything now. Since it's in the open, so be it. Should have seen this coming. Yes... Spent the whole afternoon just laying on my bed and doing nothing. Played some games installed some files and did my project. So hoping that she'll call me. But for what sia. LOL. She is busy so i should not bother her. I must resist. Damn... I can't take this. I'm gonna blow. I need to do something with my life. I must take up courses and make myself busy. I wanna hit somebody. Kendo is a nice choice. I want to hit people with just a stick. How cool is it to kill someone with a sword. I wish i was back during the days of the samurai. But to walk the path of the ninja or the samurai. To be living in the dark or walk in the middle of the road with a sword ? LOL. Oh well those age is long gone.

I've been watching this anime. Hahaha. My friend says it's sick cause the main character is making use of others. On the contrary i find the main char super smart. Sometimes the weak are meant to die. Stupid people must die. Muahahaha... I see many people who can study. I must admit it's good. To get full marks. But i want to know is how do you apply quick wit with smartness. I admit i'm not as smart. So i want to be smarter. Imagin having everything and anything. But that isn't what i want right ? Hmm..... It's good to have cash and all but i just want money to get what i need and the rest lol... Put into the bank for the govt. to take every month and letting my wife spend the rest. Make sure my kids can go to school with the money i still have and food for our survival. That's all. But i really want to use my ability to the best.

To say i have grown better. I do not believe that, i believe i have a dark side that wishes to explode anytime. To say i wish for God. I think i don't really love God that much since i am starting to lose it already. Trying to avoid going to church. Trying to get out of activities pertaining to God. Closeness ha... Funny. Pray awhile than say you are close to God what a laught. Super lame la. When people complain or pester you to go to church more. You get irritated and want to scold the person for not understanding you. But is that the truth ? Feeling guility in such a way that i prefer denial and switching this denial to complain that it doesn't go my way.

Asked why for suggestions get things like 辛苦你了. Who the hell cares about that... If God says that ok i'm honoured to the max. I'm happy. But from mortals. Who gives a damn. Humans. Nothing about them are even 1% good. Church equal good, right. I don't see anything good in the church at all. Our church members are good ? Are we good ? Search deep into our hearts. Are you good ? Am i good ? Don't give crap like how you define good. You know deep in your hearts, what is good.

Anyway i just feel that human should just be destroyed. So much suffering that it has brought to God. If we are all gone, God will never feel the pain again. We should have been destroyed or we all repent and follow God like loyal servants. To make it sound ugly it will be turning into dogs but would God dress a useless dog ? Would he feed a useless dog ? Yes and why ? Feeling insulted to be called dogs ? The moment we ate the fruit of good and evil we could no long be God's favourate like how it began. Humans. Must disappear if he or she doesn't bring honour to God.

Some people asked if God liked peace we should not join the army. But give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and give to God what belongs to God. Remember that ? It was a what Jesus taught us. So forget about being a lazy ass and not going to army. Go get tortured for the first few months as a lowly recruit and build your freaking ranks. Not stay as a freaking clark to escape NS by getting a freaking fake medical letter. Hmm.. Guess from my tone you can tell i'm not as good as what bro n has said about me. I'm a freaking loser. Ball-less, i can't even tell the girl i seriously like from the bottom of my heart i like her. Resulting me losing her. Now i found her back and i'm still as ball-less as before. I'm still a loser. How can a loser be fit enough of like someone like her. Someone so perfect. I want a change.

The only thing i feel proud of is getting the HS, an approval of God. He has finally seen me from such a small dot on the earth. But will i let him go for a girl ? I wonder. That makes my accomplishments go back down to zero. I must change... I will not be a loser. I want to be able to answer Pr. C when he ask me if i can put things into his PDA. I want to be able to say YES with confident and not say should be able to. I want to be better. I want to know what i have been learning for the past 3 years. I want to get what i want. With my own abilities. With my own hands.

A loser will always remain a loser if he does nothing about his life. I want to take control of it. I want to maintain getting to be close to God and man at the same time. But now a days making friends equal to sinning, friends like to drink and smoke. Drinking but if it doesn't lead to sin. Ok. But to make things unsafe for my spiritual health, no i will not go. Truely i will not risk my HS and i would rather lose such a friend. Anyway got to do some research and finish my reflection. I guess i need to ponder more about lot of things.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
11:22 pm

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About Me

Crossroads

Memories Of The Wind

Whispers Of The Forest

Whistle While You Walk

The Trodden Road

Memories of the forgotten

Sunday, May 04, 2008