The Forgotten Land

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Haven't got enough sleep.
Worried each day that i get camo on me.
POP is coming and people are already going nuts.
My helmet and LPV is missing...
Some bugger just took it by mistake.

I feel pissed losing it due to my interview.
Damn....
What will i do on Monday's rehersal ?
Gonna have to work something out when i book in.
No point worrying about it now.

Keep getting nightmares that i get pump.
Or punished, tortured by sergent.
I think i saw the ghost in my bunk.
Mistook it for a sergent and ignore it to prevent getting punished.
Indeed sergents are more terrifying than ghost in camp.
Ghost cannot pump you or make you do stupid things.

Anyway enough of that.
I feel that though i have grown by entering the army.
I have not grown enough.
I still suck...
There is many things i cannot do.
Many things i want to help.
But i just couldn't do anything but remain quiet.
Just sitting down there and telling people.
"It's okay, don't worry. Anyway worrying won't solve anything."
Indeed this is true.
But how can one stop fredding over such a line ?

I want to help them but i just sit there....
Doing nothing....
Being helpless...
What's the diff with the life i had before ?
Still useless...
Cougar warrior ?
Do i even fit the name ?
I promised my PC i will quit being a Cougar Warrior if i failed once again.
Is this the day ?
When i'm put to the test and i fail dreadfully ?

I feel that though i'm a friend...
I couldn't do anything...
I couldn't do anything to help my friend.
I'm thankful i have friends in camp. That helps me.
Make my bed sheets when i was having guard duty.
So i can sleep the moment i reach the bunk.
Thanks Buds.

Thanks Miss Cougar for letting me sleep on your bed.
Taking cock with you till 2 am and dying the next day was fun.
But what kind of friend am i ?
How can i improve myself to do more ?
To be a better man ?

Being IC i was screwed...
I did the wrong commands...
I couldn't shout... Instead i was forced to shout...
Damn...
It felt bad....
But hell i'm in cougar...
Nothing is good...
So suck thumb and get on with your duties.

I'm going to POP....
Life isn't the same as before....
We will have to take different sets of paths to reach different goals.
Let's not part, shall we ?
But i know the answers will not be what i want.
Life mostly doesn't turn out the way you want it to be.
I guess...

Spiritual life...
It seems down...
I find people talking about God seems so....
Stupid... Like they are fakes....
Christian girls are more attractive as they have that aura...
My ass... Don't give me that crap...
What part of them do they have an aura ?
Some christains are SINNING....
They don't give a shit...
But i respect your comment so i dun give a damn about it...

Enough of the unhappy stuff...
I bought a new Camera...
Wooo... Although i get comments like...
Eeeee should be this and buy that...
But what the heck.... I'm the one paying the money.
I buy what i like. I take nice photos and decorate them.
Have fun with the pics.
For my POP.... Woo...

The camera is for fashion...
Which i like....
For designing the backgrounds.
Which i can take with .... Hmm...
LOL... Err Hem...
Moving on...

Yeah took lots of pics which i will upload tomorrow.
Or maybe on thursday when i POP.
Fresa spammed the photos.
So it's gonna be alot of them..
I have a feeling....
I'm going to upload them to my photo album instead.
It'll be faster.

Had some food with Nah...
No correction...
Nah had his meal before he left...
But at least he paid for the drinks.
Vic and Sa just sat there and watch me eat.
While i happily ate and filled my stomach after waiting for a stupid reply that did not come.
If i'm not wrong 20 to 30 mins....
I finished my food within 4 mins ?
Around there.
Talked about Army life...
All the jokes...
What we did in camp.

Anyway walking with Fresa and Vicky back to the bus stop.
Freaking bored...
But tired and wanting to sleep.
Told them what i found out when i came back.

My sis found out of my secret....
She ran through my stuff without asking...
Messed up my room when i packed it clean...
Drank my carrot juice no matter where i hide it.
And it's 5/6 of the bottle mind you...
1.5 litres some more...
WTH... 2 bottles.... I can't believe it...
Take whatever thing like it's her own room like that...

I won't give in to threats...
Telling the world...
I don't care...
I rather let the truth be exposed than fall helpless in your hands.
You can torture me and kill me for all i care but i'm not going to be your prey.

Did duty in church...
Man it was busy doing it alone.
Must pray according to the hymn timing....
Haiz...
But it's worth it...
The sermon was enriching.
Wisdom to serve God.
Faithful and abiding to His words.
Doing what is right in His sight and seeking things that He favours.
Isn't that what i use to pray for...
Until things gone wrong and i gone astray...
Pulling people back may cause myself to go with them instead...
I want to save what i left of me...

If ever there is anything good left is me...
Now is the time to come out...
Army has corrupted my soul...
Lord Save Me....
I feel so useless...
I'm not like you...
The comforter...
I cannot do the things you do...
But i want to be able to do the things you do...
Not for myself...
But for others....
Why can't be do things right ?
Why must i always stay a loser ?

I realised i have no confidence in myself...
I have the feel...
But i don't have the confident to make things happen...
To make things right.
I want to be better...
I have no regrates of the choices i have made...
It made me who i am now...
Wiser...Stronger... Better....
I just need to be more...
I need you Lord...
I need your help...
I want to help people lose their pain...

Men like to do stupid things when they have too much time...
They are like women...
When you have a more serious thing at hand...
You ignore it... Instead you pick on the less important and minor things.
Why ? Do you feel happy to kick someone out of the house ?
Do you like kicking your brother or sister out of the house ?
When the parents keep silent, who are you to judge ?
Are you here to pass judgement on others ? Or to help spread the word ?
To save or to kill ?

When you should be out doing preaching...
You sit in your houses and plot such plans.
Due to your hate for a comment...
Correct and try to understand.
If you were ganged up against and sent to places...
Only God knows where...
What the hell would you be feeling ?
If you were the one who is being kicked out.
Because you want to prove your parents is innocent and not a creator of evil..
Would you be happy with your sliblings doing that ?

I wonder if power have gotten too much in your brains.
That you let the devils corrupt your very soul...
Where is the love ?
True... I'm wondering the very same thing now...
What is going on in your bloody heads...
Wake up la...
Go read more bible and pray really hard la...
Don't later you yourself go to hell...
Everybody will get to heaven...
I don't think that way...
I think if you give up on God...
You know you are falling nearer to hell...
If you don't realise that and repent...
You will keep falling and never see the light again...

Maybe that is where my soul has fallen...
Far into the darkness...
Away from God...
Far far away...
Anyway gotta sleep.
Nitez.

and the frost fell...
those glassy crystal orbs... Shannon left a note @
2:17 am

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About Me

Crossroads

Memories Of The Wind

Whispers Of The Forest

Whistle While You Walk

The Trodden Road

Memories of the forgotten

Sunday, March 08, 2009